Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML
Today, my dentist asked me if I floss regularly. Wanting to avoid judgment, I lied and said yes. He nodded, started cleaning my teeth, then pulled out an entire popcorn kernel that had apparently been living in my gums long enough to pay rent. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have 8 cavities. I'd jokingly bragged about never having a single cavity for 25 years right before he started checking. He laughed and said, "Well, that lucky streak is over!" then went on to drill the shit out of my teeth. I still can't feel the left side of my face. FML
Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed, I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied, "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML
Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
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Top comments
LadyKayDee 23
I would be horribly disgusted. That's gross
CODplayer4lyfe 24
Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't wiping your teeth down with paper towels be more involving and possibly time consuming than a quick brush?
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Comments (64)
taylorbrown97 23
Even though he does not have any cavities, he could very well have gum disease, etc.
schreibergx93 19
Always be horribly disgusted, that is actually relay gross lol.
TheLadyOpal 30
I don't really swallow the notion that he's never gotten a cavity. When was his last dentist appointment? I bet that wasn't exactly recent either.
BlockOfRedStone 25
Some people don't get cavities as easily. My little bro goes months at a time without brushing his teeth. His breath smells fine and at 16 y/o he has never had a cavity at each semi-annual dentist appointment.
Myo_fml 20
Some people just have genetically better teeth than others.
Sathane 21
Guess who else does this? Jessica Simpson.
rllyfrickenbored 17
can't it be both?
GeorgiaBea 28
Someone may have mentioned this, but I'm pretty sure Jessica Simpson does that too... Said she doesn't like how they "feel" when she brushes them.
thatsme293 28
I would be more worried about gum disease, but hey to each his own.
legendof90 14
He must not consume any sugar of any kind
fyvaprold 11
It's very easy to get over-enthusiastic and wear enamel off with brushing and toothpaste. It's not an accident he hasn't got cavities.
Fsvb 32
I wish there was a way to undo my vote. I accidentally also voted ydi :( while you obviously dont deserve this.
Mewsmash 9
It's okay I really shouldn't have asked