Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book was written by a 9 year-old kid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my nineteen year-old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said, "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML
Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML
Today, I told my 10 year-old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML
Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, since I've been single my whole life, my parents decided to get me to think about what I would want in a relationship. The ensuing conversation made me realize why I am single: not only do I have a major lack of confidence, but I also just don't know how to talk to people, much less people I'm interested in. FML
Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
SugarCrazy 14
Maybe you can learn something...
saIty 17
Step 1) Share your cookies Step 2) Share your juice Step 3) Watch out for cooties
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Comments (144)
zanguard 0
My dad would have handed me a condom, dropped me off at the nearest bar, and said good luck.
nater535 7
I think these kinds of things take time. So don't worry, you'll find her some day! :D
katt_is_here 24
Seriously, read it. You can often find help in odd places. I am not suggesting you need it, but new knowledge on the subject couldn't hurt.
racheljessie 17
Hey, I'm single OP! You can talk to me!
leadman1989 16
No.
FaZeClan 3
no way in hell
bitchy_bitch 0
this ain't ******* e-harmony!
perdix 31
I'm sorry, racheljessie. People have been very rude to you. I think you'd be treated with more respect in a biker bar. And, no thank you, please don't try to chat with me. I'm superficial, but I am polite :)
DocBastard 40
I'm assuming the author suggested hanging out at the playground, buying her a juice box, and discussing the latest Pokemon. This is not the kind of advice you should be following.
sassypants93 17
The most important advice here is don't hang out at the playground... That could get you arrested. Don't do it. Just... Don't.
RaquelW 7
I don't know... If a guy bought me a juice box and talked Pokemon, I'm pretty sure we'd be playing doctor by the end of the day.
JoJo1122FML 0
Oh jeez
MotherMonstar 4
Your dad had the right idea:) most nine yr olds have girlfriends these days
coltsrock37 15
And are in relationships for about 9 min
SnowTrooper19 0
I don't know where you live, but no 9 year olds are dating here.
MattRoseen 12
Always good to go back to the basics.
DomoLaDii 8
i approved!!! lol
RuskiManBearPig 4
Time to grab the van and leftover halloween candy!!!! ;)
fmlist99 0
well its better than being matched to your brother on the dating site.... oh wait, wrong fml.. -_-"