Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book was written by a 9 year-old kid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my nineteen year-old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said, "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML
Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML
Today, I told my 10 year-old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML
Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, since I've been single my whole life, my parents decided to get me to think about what I would want in a relationship. The ensuing conversation made me realize why I am single: not only do I have a major lack of confidence, but I also just don't know how to talk to people, much less people I'm interested in. FML
Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
SugarCrazy 14
Maybe you can learn something...
saIty 17
Step 1) Share your cookies Step 2) Share your juice Step 3) Watch out for cooties
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Comments (144)
SugarCrazy 14
Maybe you can learn something...
CraneTG 0
So in other words OP just got owned by a child... Awesome...
Justforlolz 14
Exactly, I don't see the problem here. OP's just butthurt that a 9-year-old can get some while he can't.
Buttsexpirate 9
Why didn't he just do the responsible thing and buy you a hooker? Or take you to a strip club?
i_amthe_walrus 0
Oh god. Justin Bieber strikes again.
SCREAM4meeee 0
It's obvious that the 9 year old is a player.
13FTW 9
I would ask advice from buttsexpirate. With a name like that he's gotta be good with girls!
mandypandypants 4
because hes not charlie sheen's dad
JustHello123 1
Haha I'm sorry.
rofflewaffle 9
Perhaps you should get him a book on coping with having a gay son. :)
freezerburnt 3
Talking is hard o.o ...first world problems...
TagYourIt 0
Was it justin beiber?
QuisMysterium 4
I've read the book. The kid actually knows what he's talking about.
loved_by_none 6
Because he cant afford one!!! :P
stevenJB 25
ThE young have good some good insights....sometimes
aruam365 24
Well... lots of girls / women love little kids. You always see girls fawning over babies and little kids, so maybe they know something that could help!
MagicallyFat 12
Better than having Arabic parents that try to kill you every time they see you talking to a girl…
HomeAl0ne 20
I'm the author, and I'm working on a sequel that covers what to do once your balls have dropped.
Ilikeurfmls 13
That kid must be BALLN'!!!
TurdTickler4eva 0
Or have a 10 inch dick
J3R3MYY 14
Must be Franklin off "My Wife and Kids"
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Dude, a nine year-old kid gets more ass than you do. I don't think I need to point out how sad that is.
Blissfull_Sin 7
Luv the quote on ur pic ???
ikickgingers 15
Like, me too... Totally. ??? Are we making a statement or asking a question? I am slightly confused... This happens quite often.
lissalove17 8
I think the saddest part is that a nine year old is getting any at all. What has happened to society to make that even a little bit ok?
philipino 24
18 Haole.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
63- I totally agree with you, which makes OP's situation even worse, in my opinion. Pre-pubescents get laid more often than he does. I look for a dramatic rise in herpes and AIDS cases worldwide if this trend continues.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Dude where i live nine year olds have STDs
omgitsmeaja 3
you'd be surprised at how much kids know
ikickgingers 15
I thought this was going to say he was going to buy you a hooker. Slightly saddened by this.
MaskingTape 2
Depending on quality, which shouldn't matter for you since you have nothing for comparison, he could've spent the same on a hooker as he did your book.
Enslaved 38
I don't know, kicky. Do guys really want their first sexual experience to be a paid lady of the night? And after, he's still back to square one.
ikickgingers 15
I don't have a penis, not a real one. After 21 years though... I'd be like Jim jefferies... Put me in a cage with anything and I'd **** it.
perdix 31
No, Enslaved, I'm with Kicky on this one. A guy doesn't want his first time (or hundred) to be with a woman he loves. He'll just embarrass the both of them. Think of it from the hooker's point of view -- she doesn't mind if you are a bit fast to the finish line. In fact, hookers love preemies -- it makes their hourly rate go way up! The optimal situation is for a guy to have a lot of practice under his belt ;) before he whips it out in front of someone important.
leadman1989 16
56 - I love Jim Jeffries... I know this will be thumbed down but I had to say that.
dansco 25
Me too! Would've been better for the op lol
Sebastian_NG 17
56 oh god i love jim jeffries too, i believe he is funnier than chris rock! Probably gonms get thumbed down for that as well but you people should search for him on youtube
Sebastian_NG 17
Gonna* damn iphone too little keyboard for my fingers
quiet_Wyatt 0
Not really an FML....
csosa187 1
You don't need a book man, does a lion need a book to know that it needs to pounce on gazelle? No! It's written on its DNA, pounce on that f*cking gazelle. Now go out, and use your damn lion instincts!!!
marpay 11
So you want him to go out, stalk and attack some woman?
gunmania0 12
40 year old virgin quote ftw!
davexs 10
tackle drunk bitches, not to drunk tho clinicaly alive
csosa187 1
You know how we do it ;)
perdix 31
That's great if you want to have sex with a gazelle.
Ciuby09 2
Yes.
wishfulmidget 0
No.
AVainAttempt 0
^ It was funny til this d00d showed up. .-.
davymac718 4
Well considering you never had a girlfriend you should take all the help you can get.
saIty 17
Step 1) Share your cookies Step 2) Share your juice Step 3) Watch out for cooties
Daralea 21
If you like her, pull her hair to seal the deal.
HideouslyHuman 10
Eating glue is a no.Playdough is fine as long as it's in the shape of a real food.