Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML
Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML
Today, my aunts found grandpa's will, which left everything to me and nothing to them, and his lawyer confirmed on the phone this was definitely grandpa's wish. My entire family now hate me and think I manipulated him. My grandpa has hated me my entire life, so I think this is his way of punishing me. FML
Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML
Today, I found out that when my uncle died, he left me and the rest of my family £2000 each. Only my parents kept and spent my share on themselves. FML
Today, my grandpa died suddenly. About a month ago, he gifted me a few thousand dollars to buy a used car. My uncle is now demanding I return it, saying I can't prove that my grandfather agreed to it, and that he wants his rightful share of the inheritance. FML
Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML
Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML
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Top comments
rhyleigh 1
I would actually be happy that he gave you something personal.
mike3775 39
LOL You may think it sucks, but at least grandpa had a sense of humor. Sure it may seem like it sucks, but really, I think its hilarious. Let the negative votes reign supreme, as I know its coming. But unlike others, I like having a sense of humor and having fun in life, and wait till I die and see what I left for my kids when they read my will(which my wife thinks is hilarious)
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Comments (159)
victo890 11
think the good side the 400$ u use it an it's gone but the doll you can keep it forever hopefully :/ ;P
lurveu_mysweet_t 0
haha. and u no from experience?(;
allenye818 2
money comes and goes but blow up dolls last forever... or until you pop them
dylanmurre 4
wtf does bequeathed mean??
allenye818 2
it's the internet, look it up??
dylanmurre 4
my point to this question was, use regular human being words that everyone can understand without having to look it up
MrSassypants 34
107 yes he knows from experience. Clearly you haven't been on FML long enough to know who boners is and what he likes and what he does AND what he says. Yeah he is a sex god, that is why everyone loves boners.
2020olympia 5
Memories...lots of weird, weird memories....
ritsuka415 6
now you'll never be lonely ;P
LilysTillie 7
$400 would've been blown on nothing, very quickly. Whaf he did instead was actually pretty funny and will be a great memory of him! Kudos to your grandpa for having a sense of humour!!!
LilysTillie 7
I forgot to say, Sorry about your loss...grandpas are amazing to have around & I miss mine everyday.
bankrupt 15
No. 120, not every grandfather is 'amazing,' FYI. When mine wasn't insulting me or tormenting me, he was barking orders at me as if I were a servant. He didn't even use my name. "Girl, get me a fork!" is an example of something he would snap at me. If I didn't drop what I was doing and RUN to obey his order, I'd get "Girl, I don't care what you are doing, I WANT A FORK!" I dropped telephones with people mid-sentence, left ringing doorbells unanswered, and one time left food in the oven to burn because this assfuck wanted some menial service and he wanted it RIGHT NOW and it had to be from me. No one else was low enough to have to serve him. His other grandchildren would all be sitting around doing nothing while I had to get him whatever shit he wanted AND do what I was doing while literally every other relative I had screamed at me, "YOUR GRANDFATHER WANTS A FORK!" or whatnot but none of them would ever condescend to get off their asses and get that bastard a fork or, God forbid, the bastard get his own ******* fork. I was his first grandchild and he had full use of his faculties until his dying day so he knew my name. He did not use it by choice. For the stupid people here who cannot read between the lines, this is tacitly saying "I like everyone else but I do not like you" without uttering the actual sentence, "I like everyone else but I do not like you." So in restrospect, I amend my first statement because my grandfather was amazing; an amazing asshole.
10ofSpades 3
Wow what a dick FYL
bankrupt 15
When he finally died all I could think was, "Thank God that bastard is dead." I had to make an appearance at his funeral, where I got to hear from everyone else all about what a wonderful man he was and how devastated I must be to lose him, so apparently he was a real prince to everyone but me.
charger73 0
lucky
ImTotallyAsian 0
you got something though!