Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML
Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was, and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML
Today, despite his promise not to, my dad got completely shitfaced at my wedding reception. When we found him, he was passed out on the toilet with his pants down, penis out, and he’d shit all over himself, the toilet, and the floor. I thought I could trust him just this once, but now he’s dead to me. FML
Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML
Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML
Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML
Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML
Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML
Today, my dad thought it would be appropriate to get drunk at my wedding and include in his father of the bride speech all the very bad things I did as a child, before I got the psychiatric help I needed. My in-laws were giving me death glares, and his nana yelled, “Shame on you!” at me. FML
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Top comments
DrMario_ 16
Is your father a dog? O.o
dman1997 5
He certainly knows how to make an entrance... And exit.
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Comments (52)
blondeamazonian 18
Fandamily.
DrMario_ 16
Is your father a dog? O.o
GodPart2 20
Don't know many dogs who complain about food, just saying
MrSassypants 34
What do you think all the barking is about? "My damn owner gave me the same dog chow again, for about the past week! He had bacon this morning and didn't even ducking share!" But all you hear is bark, bark, bark.
MrSassypants 34
Come on autocorrect, you don't autocorrect when I misspell ****, but you want to autocorrect ******* to ducking? Ducking isn't even a word.
MrSassypants 34
Oh wait, ducking is a word. I need to learn to stop being stupid while typing. I'm pretty sure it is impossible though.
badluckalex 23
If anybody else replied 3 times in a row they would've been thumbed down to hell
carllyo 19
We like MrSassypants...
biebahood 15
Hahaha sassypants ftw
incoherentrmblr 22
It's a f**king Catalina Wine Mixer...
gkhalil98 16
[insert pee pun here]
lambda_fml 40
[insert a reply here]
ArturoRamirez 16
[Insert life here.]
False_Stupidity 42
[Insert rant about how stupid this thread is here.]
Jordan_No_Air 14
That's just terrible, and it IS worse on your most special day. FYL OP.
GodPart2 20
Not necessarily OP's special day, could be someone else's wedding too, the FML only talks of "a wedding"
Emzinatorbot 26
I feel bad for the bride and groom at the wedding. he's so inconsiderate!
sarahmaxine 19
She was the bride.
ChristianH39 30
It doesn't say that, it could easily have been another family members wedding that they were both invited to.
annarcheer 19
it said "to a wedding" not "to my wedding" so it could have easily been anyone.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I feel like if it was OP's wedding it would be even more of an upsetting situation for them and that information would've been included, I think.
dman1997 5
He certainly knows how to make an entrance... And exit.
ndnpride88 25
Well atleast he gave a good attempt.
engineerosaurus 26
Um, no, he didn't. That's kind of the point.
itsalanis 25
Sounds like OP's father has done that same process before based on this FML. Heh...
Armygirl93 10
wow, I really hope that wasn't your wedding
guinea_pigs 9
Hopefully this wasn't your wedding? Sorry OP. :/