Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for a regular check-up. In the waiting room, she escaped from her carrier and created chaos, knocking over supplies, and hissing at everyone. FML
Today, I went searching for my cat who'd escaped. Of course, I searched the entire building and somehow she'd got back in through my front door of my apartment. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
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Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
Oh thank god. I thought I was the only one who defecates when I'm excited.
person961 9
If I was your neighbor I would be more amazed than angry. How the hell does a dog chase a cat into another persons house? Offer to clean the mess for them, show you can be a kind person and I'm sure they'll relax a little if they're mad.
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Comments (75)
PIGaming 21
I have 2 dogs, and from experience you have to be very cautious about moving them!
Blackhawk706 23
What does this have to do with anything and how does one "move a dog?" I was under the impression that dogs are capable of walking without assistance from their overbearing overlords.
PIGaming 21
OP made reference to their new neighbours, so I presumed OP had just moved homes. I just moved homes and had to dog-proof my backyard.
incoherentrmblr 22
You go over when the neighbors are home to find the door kicked in by that random guy Dane Cook talks about, though you think it was your dog that did it.
clemsi 20
I was not expecting such a dated reference, let alone Dane Cook
kaablam 17
Thank you #17, for being funny, almost spit my coffee out at overbearing overlords.
person961 9
If I was your neighbor I would be more amazed than angry. How the hell does a dog chase a cat into another persons house? Offer to clean the mess for them, show you can be a kind person and I'm sure they'll relax a little if they're mad.
PIGaming 21
By sprinting?
person961 9
I'm just saying that the situation is weird Someone else's cat was chased into someone else's home by someone else's dog. If the doors were closed, which I'm assuming because nobody really leaves their doors open, how did the dog get in? We need an explanation
iLike2Teabag 27
The same way the cat got in?
PIGaming 21
You can't presume that the neighbours had their door closed - what if they were home and wanting to air their house? You can't predict a dog running into your home and ******** on the floor... at least I dont.
chinaski7628 32
My thought was through a cat flap/doggy door.
askullnamedbilly 33
Maybe the neighbors were still in the actual process of moving in and had their doors open to bring in their boxes and furniture.
Stephy94 9
About twelve or thirteen years ago when I was still little, I had two cats and the neighbours had just moved in. I went to get my cats out of their home because they had wandered in through the open front door. It's probably not the most common thing to happen, but random animals walking into your home does happen.
iLike2Teabag 27
Oh thank god. I thought I was the only one who defecates when I'm excited.
hulopro 16
Sex must be interesting for you then?
cakefete2 31
That comment, coupled with the fact that he apparently likes to teabag, is actually kind of grossing me out.
TheCrispyCat 20
I too am relieved!
ohcheriecherie 20
that sucks, OP! my dog is a douchebag too. he thinks the best way to greet a friend is to poop in their home.
TunaFireStarter 16
In dog talk, it kind of is. It's a form of marking to feel more comfortable.
luvmyfamof4 4
well that's a shitty situation.
MelTheGreat 23
I can't even.
jkmartinjk 16
REALLY
Puffytruffles 18
My honour goes to you, fallen comrade. Someone needed to take the shot.
cryssycakesx3 23
12, I think you can.
warsun 27
*loads gun* ok now be still. This will hopefully kill you.
illegalbeagle69 23
That's a terrible shituation.
hulopro 16
Why?
Skycop_S 23
Out of all the horrible puns in this world you could make, you made the dumbest, most overused, horrible pun to ever exist in mankind ever. There are so many other puns out there to choose from, but the one chosen was that one. I fear for humanity. Soon it will be overrun by shitty situation "jokes," and everyone with a little bit of sense will suffer. I will hope for your soul.
Pikawhore 21
Your dog really knows how to break the ice!
zandalee 20
Organize cleaners to clean their carpets and safeguard your property OP. I had a dog escape my yard once and she got run over and killed. I'm still mourning her. :(
Crazc 15
it's a dog get over it. be sad for a little, then get over it.
rosso700 14
That sucks but you'll be soon looking back and laughing with your neighbors about this!
NessaMae 19
My cat literally runs outside just to beat the shit out of a stray cat. Now when that happens I'll think about this and realize it could be a lot worse.
The_Big_Boss 20
Howdy ho neighborino
iLike2Teabag 27
Stupid Flanders...