Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML
Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML
Today, I had to have two stents removed from having kidney stones, so I was strapped down to a table. The doctors were guys. I said, "I’ve had this dream before, but you two weren’t in it." I didn’t realize the female nurse was still there. It took them quite a while to stop laughing before they started.. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, I was stuck in the ICU with my 10 month-old. They spent more than an hour and multiple pricks to get a vein for cannula. I had to endure and hold him down through all of it. Half and hour later, he promptly smeared poop all over his cannula bandage area during a diaper change. FML
Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML
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Top comments
HappyItalian 38
More like F the patient's life.
Sotanostash 20
Aah, that hurt to read
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Comments (66)
CheekyRaccoon 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Did he say, wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah?
whysobeachy 37
No.
CheekyRaccoon 27
Guess people still really hate that song.
edris_305 21
Damn it man! but since you are working at a hospital you must have seen worse
noisyboy4000 23
Very few things in life are worse than a man having an object inside his urethra
fabs1171 23
There are many, many things worse than make catheterisation!!!!!
__Kaia__ 12
11- Well, there are always rectal catheters...
theblondeone 16
As an employee of a level 1 trauma ER, I whole-heatedly agree.
fabs1171 23
Male catheterisation - not make catheterisation lol
Sotanostash 20
Aah, that hurt to read
olleekenberg 20
why did you have to assist in that? anyways. we feel you OP!
thesmeagol 22
Most hospital security has to help restrain patients, aswell as take bodies to the morgue, deal with the drunk people who get blood tested, and other things of the sort.
SpyroMello 29
Read the fml again and then look back at your comment again.
izzajaneful 24
Yanno, security concerns.
Mathalamus 25
That probably is what it looks like. Sounds painful.
RedCronos 17
I pictured it as I read it. Not very pleasant.
HappyItalian 38
More like F the patient's life.
Kevinmeowbeanz 22
the nurse as well
RA91 26
OOUUCCHH!!!
Wizardo 34
David eat. Goliath
HeartYou101 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is that not a bit of a rude thing to say about someone? It's not the man's fault he's not well endowed...
flamingarrow59 21
he didnt say anything about what the guy looked like
Googolman 29
Where exactly did OP state that the man had a small penis? Read the FML.
HeartYou101 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I did actually. I also know what a worm looks like and it's not exactly the biggest animal in the Animal Kingdom, nor the nicest complement to give to someone's penis. I just think it's bad form he's making fun of a patient who needed to go to hospital to get help and not have some asshat security guard making fun of his wang.
Mcstud1y 30
The metaphor wasn't directed to the size, but towards the movement
HeartYou101 31
Ahhhh!! I understand now!
christian1509 21
I feel like you don't know what a catheter is, because this FML has nothing to do with the man's penis size