Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML
Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML
Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML
Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
The face has changed but the breath's the same.
honutattoo 0
dogs are just that awesome
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Comments (111)
ColdGold 6
It washes off.
glasgowsmile 0
lmao that is some funny shit though messes up
VolcomTL 0
Welcome to my favorite list. :D
johnnydeath 0
There's nothing wrong with licking, but if it just licked it's arse, don't let it lick your face right after, pretty simple. I only allow my dog to lick my face before a shower or before I wash my face... there is no in between face licking.
wordgirl 0
Thanks for making me laugh out loud after the misogyny-fest at the appendix-FML.
Im_Jesus_BITCH 3
At least the dog didn't lick your mouth. I am sooo grossed out when I see people being all smoochy with their dogs and they are licking inside their mouth, then you mention how it's gross and they say "well their mouths are cleaner than humans". No, no they are not. We use antibacterial mouthwash, they eat shit. Shit equals E.coli. A bacteria found in your colon. It does not belong in your mouth. lol I know nobody has said that, but I'm waiting for the comment to be made. Dogs do have good bacteria in their mouths that benefit THEM, not US. They lick their wounds to heal them and it works alright enough, however, you let that dog lick a cut on you, look out, it's gonna get nasty.
madarchod 0
useless ppl allowing dogs to lick their body parts...it is considered gross
LadyAshley 0
Damn, I loled hard core! My dog does that. She farts then sniffs her ass, it's so gross and so funny that she like sniffing her own fart ridden ass! Haha
cornsnake 0
It's surprising that a dogs mouth is cleaner then a humans.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Ladies & gentlemen, this is why I have no dog.