Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML
Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML
Today, I went searching for my cat who'd escaped. Of course, I searched the entire building and somehow she'd got back in through my front door of my apartment. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
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Top comments
andrew_thomson 9
your dog wins.
ImaWiseGuy 5
I just have to spark a blunt and my dog pops up like David Blaine.....
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Comments (70)
A7X_LoVeee 10
Uhh nope
britt93 7
its assumed so the pun fits.
versace_chick 0
Your comment : ewww dog puke. this is why im hesitant to have animals. mayb i should stick with caged pets like hamsters and birds.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
They are just as messy... I own a couple parrots, two dogs, and three hamsters.
thebestof1984 0
I agree with 18. At one point I had a rabbit, cat and dog. The rabbit was the messiest out of them all.
ilovehamburgers 0
fish are pretty clean if you take care of them.
Monikabug 9
Fish are kind of more like pieces of furniture that you have to feed daily. If you want a pet then you need to realize that they all take work and are all messy in one way or another, but also that some of them are more loving and devoted to you than others are. So though fish may need less work, how many times have you seen a fish nuzzle you or give you kisses or bring you bring their owner a present?
Rwcrazy 0
You were looking in your room for your dog? How big is your room, if it took you an hour?
bankrupt 15
It's a girl dog because the OP referred to the dog as "she." Note the phrase, "she crawled out from under my bed." And OP, you DID punish your asshole dog for her disobedience, right?
balest22 0
YDI
Wheredidgrungego 12
It's the thought that counts!
roafteth 4
tbh it sounds like ur dog either is or was pregnant. I'd check periodically under the bed if I were u.
xxLifexx 0
winning:D
xxLifexx 0
at least you found her:D