Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
Today, the family dog escaped and I ran after her. She started attacking a random dog, so I started clapping and yelling, trying to get her attention. After I got her away, my hands started swelling. I clapped my hands so hard that they're swollen and bruised. FML
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
There's a shorter wait time at the vet.
Luqdude 0
Finger Lickin' Good...
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Comments (146)
Sumo69 9
No one should have a violent dog in their house. should be glad it's you and not a stranger you be sitting in jail.
manatees_r_epic 0
Yeah, because only violent dogs bite.
Sumo69 9
Yes very good you're smart you're doing good
THE_A_TEEN 28
Sumo69, do you think only violent dogs bite? You're wrong, dogs bite in self defense, usually when frighten. Of course there are some violent ones out there....
Sumo69 9
I apologize and thank you very much for setting me straight sorry
Furrywhiplash 14
I would be glad if my dog attacked a stranger in my house. Seems like the purpose of a guard dog.
alycion 39
My dog isn't violent yet likes to bite me in play. He's still too young to realize it hurts. I'm working with him so he stops. But he only does it to me.
dani05 0
Your dog just knows what the good food is! He probably saw you and thought he was in heaven.
alyspar2 5
See how many people you can scare!
uprising_fml 0
you dressed as a chicken at a fancy party ? you deserve it.
WearingHats 14
When I lived in England, a fancy dress party was synonymous with a costume party. Maybe that's what OP meant?
tennis06 7
did you forget to feed the dog
DocBastard 40
Don't worry, we've seen it all before. Someone even stupider than you has come to the hospital dressed even worse than you. Who knows, maybe you'll end up some doctor's "stupid patient stories" blog...if only one existed...
zombicidal 11
if only but I guess such a thing will never happen. shoot
jbsington 8
Maybe you should start one, Doc.
alexup24 13
I see what you did there
zombicidal 11
54 has obviously never read docs bio
zombicidal 11
that or sarcasm has escaped me for once
cosmosis 12
Hey Doc, last time i went to the hospital, there was a guy in emergency who had a chicken caught over his .... Anyway have you got any interesting stories to share?
japtch 15
More stupid*
DocBastard 40
Japtch - Before you correct someone's grammar, make she he's wrong first. Go look up "stupider", and then I expect you to come back and apologise.
Clamcreepy 7
Well now you know you can't dress as a chicken around your dog or he'll eat your thighs.
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
Must have been a really good costume if your dog thought you were a chicken.
lionandthelamb61 9
Chicken fancy dress costume: the other other white meat.
fuzzbuck1 4
So meaty