Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I just got done being yelled at by my son's headteacher and a bunch of parents, all because my 6 year-old son has been arranging kiss dates between his classmates in exchange for sweets and so on. My little pimp in training. Not a proud dad moment. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
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Top comments
_streets_ 19
When I was little my cousin told me that the name of the show I loved was actually called ****..lets just say the next day the worker at my daycare was very concerned when I said I liked watching **** and that it made me happy. Fyl op, I hope the teacher wasnt too big of a dick about the situation.
Charmillionaire 13
I might add that it's a good thing the children don't know what that is, but with this generation... I just can't be too sure.
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Comments (33)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Chocolate sucks anyway!
yahoowizard 16
Murderers I understand, but chocolate haters?
CaptainSaveAHoe 11
oh god 4, you really blew that one.
hiitisbrooke 28
It's weird I know, but I've never had a taste for chocolate either.
rangermedic77 5
^we don't care?
chell1894 13
Have you tried white chocolate?
ShitHappens12318 10
"White chcolate" is an oxymoron.
vocaloidtiger 12
53 - Ehite chocolate isn't actually chocolate. No cocoa.
KyoteeWilliams 4
>people who don't get this pun
Charmillionaire 13
I might add that it's a good thing the children don't know what that is, but with this generation... I just can't be too sure.
S182 15
So what if they do know? Oh yeah... Forgot... Knowledge is the devil.
stzmel 7
The child is in kindergarten! I don't know how old you're supposed to be in the US, but in my country children around 3-4 years old go to our equivalent of kindergarten. I'd say it's pretty messed up if a 3 yo knew what ******* meant.
thrifting 18
Kids say the darndest things!
angiemarie96 25
Grad memorable moment :)
generalasskicker 12
That's hilarious
lowshadows 21
time to change schools lol.
Bravesfan319 11
Or.... She's a kindergartener and every kindergartener does embarrassing things, so she'll be fine?
megpie20693 11
You just never know what kids will say these days. It could have been worse, you got lucky.
docscientist 10
Kids every generation.
iOceanus 18
Truly deserves the title of an,"Epic Troll."
_streets_ 19
When I was little my cousin told me that the name of the show I loved was actually called ****..lets just say the next day the worker at my daycare was very concerned when I said I liked watching **** and that it made me happy. Fyl op, I hope the teacher wasnt too big of a dick about the situation.
marlenoysis 7
Ouch. I hope the teacher believes you and they don't call CPS on you. Your boy needs a good spanking too tho.
mistercrow 9
Sounds like they should be calling CPS on you because that disciplinary action is illegal in about 48 states and all Canada.
Bravesfan319 11
No, it's uh.... It's not illegal. Just don't stop over the line from spanking to child abuse.
Ponecake 18
Spanking is illegal in 1 state.
ctina 15
29... It SHOULD be illegal since the only group of people you can legally hit is literally children, but yeah it's not illegal (maybe in Canada, idk)
jewwybeanzzz 10
I don't understand all the fuss over spanking a child who misbehave as her son has. I was spanked when I misbehaved (not like every time I screwed up but if it was severe enough to warrant it) and I have no "mental scars". in fact the thought that people think I might from it is complete ludicrous. it made me understand that there are consequences for my actions and I didn't want those consequences. I'm afraid of a world where a child is given a lollipop and a pat on the back instead of a spanking when they misbehave
buckdharma 38
Your son is a Goober and your daughter is a Raisinet.