Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not a virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", Honey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Proselytizing
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Acquired taste
Today, my daughter said she wanted to be vegetarian like me. Beaming with pride, I made her plant-based burgers for dinner. She took one bite, screamed, "EW!" and started crying and begging for beef burgers. FML
Wash your veggies
Today, I was teaching a girl from the neighborhood how to cook, telling her to start by washing the veggies. She said, "Oh, because you’re vegan, right?" No dear, because they’re dirty. FML
Go, Vegan!
Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML
Never gonna happen
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Policy of truth
Today, I got home to my daughter in tears because her dad decided 5 was the ideal age to tell her the chicken, bacon, and mince she eats every day comes from dead chickens, piggies, and moo cows. I now have a vegetarian 5 year-old and I’m seriously worried about malnutrition and stunted growth. FML
Your future, our clutter
Today, my daughters announced they had big news. They had a whole presentation saying they wanted our entire family to go vegan. When I told them, as gently as I could, that that was never happening, they burst into tears, screaming, "The planet is burning! Meat is killing us all!" They're 11 and 9. FML
Top comments
thebigtwinkie 28
Just a mistake, I'm going to guess that your daughter doesn't know what virgin means so she's not to blame, and neither is OP
saba_ajira 29
Those, my friends, are two very different words. Sorry you had to deal with that OP
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Comments (127)
PoisonOrchid 21
Kids are too funny haha. It was an honest mistake by what I hope was a fairly young child.
cakelol 9
Good thing the child isn't vegan anymore. Raise your kid vegetarian if you want to, but vegan is just wrong for a kid.
Steffi 26
Not wrong for the child.
sweetbliss3 37
says you. just because it's wrong for you doesn't make it wrong for others and vice versa.
fsomelife 26
Setting all ethical questions aside here, I must butt in to say that excluding meat, dairy and eggs from a growing child's diet is likely to lead to at least some growrth barriers or later issues. You could probably get by without meat quite well if you know what you're doing, but you need dairy. All that fortified-shmortified crap is baloney - if you're vegan, technically, you shouldn't be eating it either...
Saicere 15
I went vegetarian when I was 10, and have avoided dairy due to being lactose intolerant for a good chunk of my young life. Avoiding dairy and meat did me absolutely no harm. Also, just gonna point out that after a kid stops breastfeeding, any and all dairy products become absolutely unnecessary. We're the only animal that drinks milk after weaning, and the only one that drinks milk from another species. It's not necessary at all, we do it because we like the taste.
fsomelife 26
You need calcium. There are a few greens that'll give it to you, but you've gotta eat a LOT of them. Supplements aren't the same, they settle differently and actually can cause some fairly major issues later on in life (like osteoporosis, ironically). In regard to lactose intolerance: milk contains the sugar lactose and the enzyme lactase. The latter breaks down the first, but is destroyed during pasteurization, leaving lactose behind. Some can handle it, some can't. Anyway, to each his own. Everyone is different, I know many people who fare well as vegetarians or vegans, and many who were doing terribly on either diet, even though they balanced everything correctly. Lastly: because of the content of the FML I guess I imagined the daughter to be younger than ten years old, and at a younger age getting everything your body needs is more critical, so.
lexa1love 16
Thank you for explaining that dairy is not necessary after breastfeeding. I am Paleo, so I do eat organic, grass fed meat. I have very young siblings that have been vegan since they were 2 and one since birth. In one case it has actually benefitted their health to the point, that they need less surgery and less medication for a preexisting illness.
12121314cm 8
#33 cats drink milk from cows its a known fact that cats love milk its not cat milk im giving them so ur wrong on that part
Akouseur 7
#73 It also gives many cats the *****, they aren't supposed to have dairy.
greencurtains74 11
I don't care if someone is a vegan as long as they aren't the pushy type. But it would be cruel to raise your kid as one. imagine having to say no to every pizza party, cake at birthdays, ice cream cones...holy moly the thought makes me cring.
fsomelife 26
#77, as I'd written above, it's only an issue with pasteurized milk.
DanielleinDC 34
Unless you're a cow, you don't need cows' milk. Humans are the only creature who not only drink milk past infancy but drink the milk of another species--excepting misguided cat parents who think it's okay to give their cat milk. Cows' milk really isn't good for cats either; it can cause all kinds of digestive distress.
chosha_fml 27
Next she'll become a vagitarian.
horneyhic 15
I'm a vagitarian. I don't eat sausage
chosha_fml 27
And yet 'she lost her veganity' was upvoted. Go figure.
annarcheer 19
Awwww she sounds really young
vikky538 29
there would be another FML coming from your kids class teacher... the other side of FML...
Flaming_Pandas 15
What an unfortunate pronunciation error. I guess either way, she's never experienced any meat.
illegalbeagle69 23
**she's finally experienced some kind of meat**
ostfaiz 18
Remind her when she grows up, it will be a funny story for her to cherish
interesting33 37
as long as you're sure she meant vegan
Neesalun 20
Lol! Embarrassing yet funny too!
Kitsi 14
it is depressing when people become stupid and brainwashed and go back to murdering animals. The absolute very lest you can do to help the world and yourself is at least be vegetarian.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
People eat meat. Get over it. I'm an animal lover myself and think animal welfare is extremely important, but could never be vegan. I raise my own chickens and we buy local farm-raised meat instead of supporting the meat and egg industries. Guess what? Not everyone is ever going to be a vegan, best to come to terms with that now before you get too disappointed.
rocker_chick23 27
How about you mind your own ******* business and don't try to dictate what we should eat?