Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML
Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML
Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML
Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Today, I found an old USB drive in a drawer and spent the afternoon going through the files, expecting embarrassing photos from school. Instead, I found a spreadsheet I'd made at 16, listing every person I had a crush on, complete with rankings and notes. I'm now terrified someone will find my “Top 10” list. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you color coordinating the STD's too? crabs can be red, syphilis green, and the clap can be yellow cause when i think of clapping i think happy.
fisheatsbear 6
is this list like a pokedex? gotta bang em all. xD
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Comments (370)
kateleen16 0
lmao, pre cool dad. prob made fun of you behind your back though..
5t3ff1k4h 47
Haha! Who actually keeps a list like that, first of all. Also, I would like to know WHY one would keep a list of that. It's clearly safer to keep that in your head... READ: NOT ON PAPER. Secondly, colour coded, eh? Again. WHY. Third, now that you've announced that, I get the feeling you're slutty. You clearly still live at home; I'm not judging you on this but I personally think that's a lot of people for someone that still lives at home (assuming, of course, you're still in your teens). Count your lucky stars your dad didn't say or do anything more than he did.
duke_nukem_25299 0
''eh?'' You're canadian for sure As for OP, make sure I'm on the list soon!
StrawberryWaffle 0
Just because they say "eh" doesn't mean they're Canadian. My boyfriend is from England and he says eh
5t3ff1k4h 47
Duke, who cares if I'm Canadian? As strawberry said, people all over the world say 'eh'. Education, darlin'!
cstrat 0
35, little kids to answer your question. I bet OP isn't even an upperclassman in high school yet.
lalalalalalalala_fml 0
65- thats like saying every american is obese. :) dumbass.
5t3ff1k4h 47
106, no one I knew back in high school or even grade school did that. Weird.
lalalalalalalala_fml 0
#69***
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
It's possible OP doesn't live at home. Dad could've found it at her place, or in her dorm room, car, purse, etc. etc. My dad has stayed at my place for several days in the past, but I've always managed to round up the questionables to stash them safely. :]
Freeze_fml 17
OK, where are the ****** of FML? It's hard to make fun of you guys when you don't comment. You know I'm talking about you, fish face.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
They usually come out at night; it's their natural habitat. You did set the trap with the flavored lube, right? >.> <.< *waits*
DncrHap 9
hahahaha. you two just made my night.
CallMeHush 1
Somebody strap a board to my ass, I'm going in!
AmyRenay 4
wow, your dad found the list? how old are you?! hopefully you atleast use protection. I'm disgusted.
MarkerofMagic 0
It doesn't she she's slept with ALL of them. just the ones she has slept with. ones she wants to and then the ones who are virgins(hence no sex so meaning she hasn't done them??)
HSSN19 8
Umm... no. she said "who would I sleep with AGAIN," which means that she slept with all of them; and about that virgin part, she meant that they were virgins BEFORE they had sex with her.
sonic_boom 0
how is this an fml.? ; )
MarkerofMagic 0
your profile pic is badass haha
pencilsupmynose 0
organizational skills??
OmgO_o 0
it sounds like you're a HOElotta trouble! lmao
SteelerBud 0
Wow. A lot of the ****** at my school do that too. Did you get that idea from a ***** convention or something?
Taipan_fml 0
Bad joke, good point.