Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend is pissed at me and crying that I bodyshamed her. She wants to do that cutesy shit of wearing my clothes and hoodies but she outweighs me by more than 50lbs. I’ve offered to buy her hoodies and spray my cologne on them for her, but I guess that’s not good enough. FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
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Top comments
lovelyhippos 15
If you yell at someone you should care about over something trivial you should probably apologize and work towards bettering yourself so you dont continue this toxic behaviour. She sounds like she has the right idea but she should just leave you if your behaviour continues. Murder shouldn't be on the table yet.
ojoRojo 27
“Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial” = YDI.
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Comments (14)
lovelyhippos 15
If you yell at someone you should care about over something trivial you should probably apologize and work towards bettering yourself so you dont continue this toxic behaviour. She sounds like she has the right idea but she should just leave you if your behaviour continues. Murder shouldn't be on the table yet.
brenniman 10
Yet? Or ever..
ojoRojo 27
“Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial” = YDI.
bloopaloop 27
She doesn’t need the pillow. Her FUPA will work just fine.
RichardPencil 32
If she uses a pillow, she'll get charged with murder. If she sits her naked body on your face, it'll look like the best possible way to exit this mortal coil!
Crowned Sataness 12
if your dick doesn't reach your belly button, lower your voice. ydi
tounces7 28
So, little man syndrome?
brenniman 10
And THAT is precisely why we should never date women who out weigh us by 50 pounds.
Brightside86 31
Actually statistically marriages are more likely to end in divorce if the women weighs more than the man.
AutisticPat 10
I’m probably going to get downvoted for what I’m about to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. If you truly believe that she means it, run! It doesn’t matter that you yelled. It doesn’t matter that she’s a woman and you’re a man. Physical abuse is physical abuse. Imagine if a man told his girlfriend that he was going to suffocate her to death—he would be CANCELLED.
altpoet1 5
How about not yelling abut trivial things? Are you 13 years old?
TexasKitten79 6
Maybe you shouldn't yell at her for trivial stuff. Don't be a dick.