Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
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Top comments
xXToxicPenguinXx 12
could be worse.. could hit him every time he touches you
ComoEsJuan 24
"Why did you break up with your boyfriend?" "He tickled me" seems legit.
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Comments (109)
weveallbeenthere 30
that sucks
Queen_bee1234 21
Geez, what a revelation!
IloveToLaugh143 21
It's not like the suckiness of the situation isn't apparent or anything.
cumberbunny 17
No shit, Sherlock
then000bster 16
Yeah man! This is totally a fml...
ILoveMyArm 15
Okay everybody, I think he gets the sarcasm.
MortenM 17
If only there was a place online, where people could post short stories about things that sucked for them. Then noone would have to reply: "that sucks"
cometkeeper00 3
I told you not to date the tickle monster. Why does Noone ever listen to me. He shall have his tickles or your soul.
cheese_buuuurger 5
I like cheese.
clmartinez1024 7
This was, so enlightening. Thank you for sharing you're genius with us
oxygenius 14
your*
xXToxicPenguinXx 12
could be worse.. could hit him every time he touches you
PageantGirlXOXO 16
Or you could just automatically pee.
Squygm 7
Maybe she should
Drfucked 9
Hit him or pee?
cometkeeper00 3
She should pee to mark her personal space/no tickles bubble
Slugable 7
to #48: Why not both?
loldatssad 12
Revenge.
ironichalibut 24
Plan A: step one, biologically develop an actual tickle monster. Step two, unleash it on him Plan B: Something much less cool than Plan A
Llamassss 21
If you don't enjoy it you should talk to him about stopping or tickling you less often. In time you'll stop flinching. If he doesn't stop I would suggest to find a new boyfriend.
ComoEsJuan 24
"Why did you break up with your boyfriend?" "He tickled me" seems legit.
kozzard 17
#24 He refused to respect my physical boundaries, even after I explained them and asked him to stop his unacceptable behavior
Tthug 34
Or just not dating. I don't get how some people are so set on always dating people. That's a rough life. Nothing wrong with being single for a while. It makes the relationships mean more.
kaablam 17
#24 is greatly confusing me. I'm so ticklish myself that I can feel a tickle coming on with someone's fingers hovering over my skin.
Durantye 8
I don't see why it has to end with a break up. Obviously he is doing it too much and needs to lighten up on it. There are a lot more stages to go through before reaching that point.
kozzard 17
I meant #17, didn't notice I put the wrong number until just now...derp
chosha_fml 27
#34 yes, there are other stages, and #4 already suggested them BEFORE suggesting breaking up.
isuckwithnames 22
Some people are more dependent on other people, some people enjoy the company of other people, some just like **** buddies, some people are Ted from How I Met Your Mother.
SouthernLady12 13
I'll call you Elmo you shall be my little tickle me Elmo
Platyp 2
So if she's Tickle Me Elmo, is he Stop Touching Me Elmo?
Kiki242 19
Pavlov would be proud.
Fr0gs 15
Did we read the same thing?
robsic66 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Go out in public, and when he touches you flinch. See how others react lol
Durantye 8
That sounds like an absolutely horrendous idea.
Soloman212 28
Well it probably happens as it is. "I swear he's not abusive! He just tickles me a lot. Also I fell down some stairs and landed on a doorknob."
DanielleinDC 34
Obsessively tickling someone to the point where she flinches whenever her boyfriend touches her IS abusive. OP, did you ever ask your boyfriend to stop tickling you? If so, and he didn't stop, THAT is abusive. It's a clear disrespect of your boundaries.
alice_18 16
9, I think that is the reason that this is an FML. She doesn't want everyone to think she is abused.
davidpropert 32
... Or she could just ask him to tickle her less
illegalbeagle69 23
Hopefully if you're around your family and you flinch they don't think he beats you