Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks, "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML
Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML
Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I went. I returned with another pair for him to try on, found him bent over and blurted out, "What's with the terrible underwear?" I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML
Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year-old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year-old woman, to tears. FML
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Today, I thought a cute guy was checking out my ass, so I cheekily bent over a little to give him an eyeful. He walked over to a shop assistant, pointed at me and left. The assistant then informed me, “Miss, you’ve torn your trousers, your knickers are visible, and, um, apparently you have a skid mark.” FML
Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML
Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML
Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML
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Top comments
WiseGuy79 14
So I'm guessing they don't call those lil waist pouches "fanny packs" in the UK lol
carleigh2424 0
Hahahhaaaaa!:)
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Comments (308)
zarazara_fml 0
Though I'd probably be embarrassed too if I was in your position, that sounds more like it should be her fml not yours now everyone thinks she has a huge ******
Lily_Loretta 0
That really made me laugh :p
xalerion 0
I like the people calling Americans lazy, stupid, and fat. i'm sure everyone in your country is a real cass
xalerion 0
*cassanova. the fml is amusing, but the broad labelling of the people of any country in a negative fashion by such simplistic people is rather unnecessary, especially since I doubt any here would immediately know all the customs, expressions, and vocabulary of any country they might visit.
spanelli 16
So, why is it that everyone hates America? You do realise that we're made up of immigrants from every other country because we actually have freedom. Why hate us because our armies come to your country's rescue every time you get ****** over? We wouldn't even be here if the Pilgrims from England hadn't sailed and established a colony here. It would still just be the Native American Indians.
spiderbesideher 0
they sometimes say "show your bits" for "show your ****"
Maxine17 8
Oh the old America vs Britain debate, hm? We both have different words. So? Neither is right or wrong, just what is accepable in your country. Also, both countries have their steroetypes. People think of Americans being fat, stupid and lazy. I'm sure this is not true. Yes, America has the highest obesity rate, but not EVERY SINGLE PERSON is fat. Come over to Britain and you'll find your share of fatties too. British people are perceived as snobby with bad teeth, and this also isn't true.People think this because we have the Queen and we don't have dental plans. Without America, England would be a hole. It wouldn't have most of the technology/T.V shows/Films and everything we have And without England, well Ameria wouldn't exist. WE ARE EQUAAAAAAL. BTW I'm English and wasn't biased.Win. Let's be peaceful, yeah?
MissMacy3 0
That's great. :D hahaha.
Allaineyyy 0
Oh really now? That's quite interesting :)
Jensine95 0
LMFAO! That was good
DVecc 0
you Brits and your funny words...