Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
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Top comments
nelds 12
Haha your dad sounds funny.
roseXthorns 8
Hopefully she didn't impale you with razor sharp claws.
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Comments (100)
caplox 6
Those things can make you go blind.
ICastillo 25
So can choking the chicken if you do it to much
Il_Maestro 6
So can the laser pointer.
Meowingtons500 18
Forget the whole "don't sink to his level, karma will get him" thing OP. Get some revenge!
_streets_ 19
Well if you were a guy, I wouldn't be surprised if you liked waking up to a pussy in your face...but you're not so sucks for you OP. I'd get your dad back some how.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Ever heard of lesbians hun? ;p
teague95 16
50 - you silly, lesbians are mythical creature's.
_streets_ 19
Shit you're right.
anoellem 1
Pile an army of cats in his room when he's asleep and point the laser on his face. Millions of cats pouncing on him to chase a single laser should do you justice.
TrippingOnAcid 29
I feel your pain
pdp_fml 21
You should become a lighter sleeper. Maybe you should lock your door before you go to bed, that way you might avoid nasty pranks.
luckyd880 12
Silly, sleeping on a lighter isn't going to help.
unicornsbears 5
That's funny...... Gotta luv cats
LoganBurrito 6
What a catastrophe. Gah **** I can't do this anymore...
ICastillo 25
Oh no OP hope you don't catch "Cat Scratch Fever". Sorry people had to do it let the thumb downs begin......
LoganBurrito 6
Us FMLers that always take the hard hits for dealing the puns, which is basically a necessity, we gotta stick together. Thumbs up.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Thumbs up, just because I feel like doing the opposite of what you say:)
I_heart_sex 1
Cat scratch disease is a real diagnosis, I really hope you don't get it.
justin574 6
at least you have a dad...
teague95 16
Everyone has a dad, for some he's just not in the picture