Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML
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Top comments
DaleksAreEpic 0
I bet your cat is secretly a hired assassin.
catnip216 0
This is why cats are awesome.
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Comments (154)
cyaneyedangel 2
It's a shame you couldn't just roll over or something equally magical to try and dislodge it in some way.
chrstygrl06 10
Sorry, I was tired of laying near the danger zone. <3 your cat
GreeneyedWonder 0
93 - Sorry, I can't see the gender on my phone.
blahblahblah5_x 13
Cats are actually devil animals.
skyeyez9 25
Why does everyone assume incest? they can sleep in the same room and not have sexual feelings. 150 years ago, most families ALL piled up to sleep in one bed because they were poor and could afford one bed. To keep warm in the winters and prob so rats didn't crawl on them on the dirt floor of their cabin.
klong91 7
Really? you couldn't get a cat off your face?
glitchedgamer 0
At least you'd be remembered as the guy who does with a face full of pussy.
guppy40000 0
lots of cats do this its common behaviour. Your cat clearly feels it owns you.
sarah0811_fml 0
cats are absolutely evil! no one believes me when I say it but this proves it!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
How can you not get a cat off your face? I also hope it was the cat's front end that was on your face. I also wonder if your sister put the cat there while you were sleeping since she was there laughing at you.