Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized just how fragile and idiotic my brother is. At a family get together, I bought a giant box of popsicles for all the kids to enjoy. He refused to let his sons have one, because according to him, “it looks gay”. I swear my mother found him by the road or something. FML
Today, my brother‘s will read that everything would go to our other brother, so long as he punched me for having an affair with my his wife. So now I have a black eye. I’m gay, but I've never told my family. I didn't have an affair with his wife. FML
Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, I finally told my brother that I was being sexually harassed at work. I'm 22 and my brother is 41, and he literally told me that I don't even know what sexual harassment is, and then laughed in my face. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother-in-law's doctor. Apparently he's made threats and fantasizes about killing me. "Notifying you is the protocol for things like this" he said, and ended the conversation with, "have a nice day." FML
Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML
Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML
Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Tripartita 45
"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?! Did you look through my internet history? Bro… you alright?"
Welshite 40
You might want to imitate him and wear a tinfoil hat for good measure. You never know when the government can be listening in. They're coming for you, OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
Sebof2001 7
Lack of control on his part! I'm sure it was a joking punch
yuneshinfanboy 14
In his defence fluoridated water has been proven to affect growth rate hormones and G-Proteins not exactly turning people gay but can have some affect on sexuality when drunk in large doses
DoomedGemini 38
Did you choose the wrong word..? I have a hard time believing drinking something will somehow make someone start being attracted to a gender they weren't before.
Dale_shackleford 13
Fluoride is probably the least dangerous thing that 25 has ingested today. For real though, were you sober and lucid while you typed that?
Xamry14 10
Maybe he meant it makes you want/not want sex as much. He didn't say it changes your orientations, actually he said it didn't. He just said it affects your sexuality. Not saying he is correct though. I have no idea.
Danne696 14
#29 Then again, many people that have been "experimenting" did so after drinking something.
DoomedGemini 38
That's what I thought he might mean but libido would be a better word still..
yuneshinfanboy 14
Wow what's up with the dislikes just throwing facts out
Vanderdale 14
"Facts".
yuneshinfanboy 14
Alright time to cite sources feast your eyes fellow fmlers (1985,87)-Bigay was the person who found out flouride affected G-proteins strunecka and patocka 1999-2003 found out it affects hormone growth and in their books/notes they mentioned how it could affect sexuality since our hormones are closely linked to our sexuality I didn't say it was conclusive but having talking to multiple professors they said it could definitely be a possibility
Vanderdale 14
'Affects hormone growth and maybe, possibly could be linked to hormones affecting sexuality' is a pretty far step from 'can affect sexuality'. There's no conclusive evidence, it's a supposition, which is not what your original post implies. Also there's a LOT of different hormones, most of them having nothing to do with sexuality. So yeah, without further study I'm not buying it.
OrganicSistah 17
What a shitty reason to punch someone out though.
8djht8 19
Vengeance.
TheKingOfHearts 19
Maybe he'll publish his own FML when you sock him back.
Densetsu1000 14
Denial in a nutshell.
GhostFox 34
Some people are just ******* weird when it comes to having their delusions shot down as being flawed. But I suppose that is why they are called delusions.
gunnerysgt 15
My favorite conspiracy is "the government is putting brain altering chemicals in tinfoil"... Watch out tin foil hatters, they know how to get you
withered 30
Ah nothing better than people resorting to violence when they get served. Or perhaps he is gay and is frustrated and that is why he punched you?