Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized just how fragile and idiotic my brother is. At a family get together, I bought a giant box of popsicles for all the kids to enjoy. He refused to let his sons have one, because according to him, “it looks gay”. I swear my mother found him by the road or something. FML
Today, my brother‘s will read that everything would go to our other brother, so long as he punched me for having an affair with my his wife. So now I have a black eye. I’m gay, but I've never told my family. I didn't have an affair with his wife. FML
Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, I finally told my brother that I was being sexually harassed at work. I'm 22 and my brother is 41, and he literally told me that I don't even know what sexual harassment is, and then laughed in my face. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother-in-law's doctor. Apparently he's made threats and fantasizes about killing me. "Notifying you is the protocol for things like this" he said, and ended the conversation with, "have a nice day." FML
Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML
Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML
Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Tripartita 45
"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?! Did you look through my internet history? Bro… you alright?"
Welshite 40
You might want to imitate him and wear a tinfoil hat for good measure. You never know when the government can be listening in. They're coming for you, OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
Sparx1_1 16
If he's spending this much energy thinking about it then maybe he has something to hide.
Soluxis 17
Aha, the UK. Full of scientifically illiterate morons.
sargeantsnark 3
If my brother punched me in the face, he'd be sitting in jail for assault.
burgermike92 17
Damn dude. Well I bet u won't do that again.
DanielleinDC 34
Your brother has issues. What government-contaminated product has he been consuming to turn him violent? Newsflash to your idiot brother: People can't be turned gay anymore than they can be turned straight. I don't know how homophobic the government in the UK is, but I would think that the government in the US, at least, would want to find chemicals to turn people straight, given one party's utter disdain for GLBT people. Maybe for Christmas you can get him a tinfoil hat.
CaptainSolo3596 7
Lmao u deserved it but ur still a sav
mynoch 7
You sir(or miss) are my hero of the day for what you said to him. Thank you :)
BloodyGlass 10
Call cops and have his ass arrested.
johnny111 2
....
Arot6 17
Fun fact: The CIA once tried to develop a chemical bomb that would turn enemy combatants gay. It didn't work.
DoomedGemini 38
Yep the hope was they'd be too attracted to each other to fight. There has been some weird ass ideas.