Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, for the second time in my life, I fell and got stuck between my wall and my bed wrapped in a blanket, mad. Instead of helping me, my brother just took videos. FML
Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML
Today, I got stuck in the drier. My step-brother came to help out. His pullout game is weak. He literally could not pull me out of the drier and had to call a handyman. FML
Today, my brother ran in, handed me a spatula, and told me to stand still. Barely a second later, our sister came tearing in the house with a fresh, raised welt on her ass cheek in the shape of said spatula, saw me holding said spatula, and kicked my ass up and down the house until I escaped. FML
Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML
Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML
Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML
Today, my brother asked his wife for a divorce, but she got so mad at him that he backtracked and told her it was a prank I'd put him up to. She’s still mad as hell at him, but thanks to his lie my name is now mud in our entire family. I was at work all day, and I did nothing wrong. FML
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Top comments
barlessprison 16
I hope the first thing you did once you got out was to give your brother a huge bear hug.
iPeterPan 8
Shit, that's horrible. I hope you slept in his bed when you got home, before your shower!
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Comments (123)
TheGewt 7
Mulch is organic tree waste usually. Fertilizer is crap. There is a difference.
NiveaKK 9
Hope you told him to stop horsing around when he didn't give a shit
evig_fml 16
Haha..... *eye twitches*
Gandalf_Baggins 4
Isn't mulch just wood chips?
TheGewt 7
Yes.
jerseyboy732 16
omg the mods have come out of hiding o_0
TheGewt 7
I guess I am wrong, but I consider mulch as organic materials from trees or bushes or from food all decomposing in a compost bin. If it was 100% animal feces I'd call it fertilizer.
tyler004 0
usually don't they just call horse shit manure? cause yeahh I always thought mulch was organic materials like wood chips... so I learned something today!!:P
THExistentialist 13
*awaiting Sirin's sarcasm pwning everyone on thread simultaneously*
trucker1945 9
Mulch is mostly wood chips and material from trees and brush. Compost is made from grass leaves,manure and all the other stuff.
Kristoffer 35
I work at the garden center at Wal-Mart. While I can't argue with the dictionary definition of mulch, the stuff we sell doesn't contain anything except plant matter, typically bark and/or shavings from one specific type of tree. We also sell "Organic Hummus and Manure" separately, but that's the only literal shit that I'm aware that we sell. Our fertilizer may also be made from fecal matter, but unlike manure, I'm pretty sure it's not just plain shit. We also have rubber mulch. WTF?
yourlifesfucked 0
The mulch you buy at a Landscaping store, Lowes, whatever, is aged and shredded bark, a byproduct of paper-making. I've never heard of commercially available mulch that wasn't made from bark. Oh btw I work at a Nursery. i'm not just talking out of my ass =). they are right though, any material that's used to cover bedding plants to prevent weed growth and retain water is considered mulch, just as any organic material used as fertilizer is technically manure. Hell, you can use newspaper or strips of plastic as mulch.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Brace yourselves... Shitty puns are coming
senor_awesome 14
You need to work on your timing. This one was just a little late!
Snafuusmc 12
Tackle him! Then just give him a big hug I think that ought a work.
ycrem0n 21
2 guys 1 mulch
evig_fml 16
I believe now is the time to say "doesn't matter had sex"
Savannabooh 0
Shut in his matress
luckyd880 12
What a jerk! Bet he jumps in the shower before you and hogs the bathroom too! But what he doesnt know is all this time waiting is giving you plenty of time to PLOT!
BellaMarta 19
Well shit... did you get back at him yet?
br0ccoli 15
I wish omnivore poop could be used as fertilizer. It would save lots of money...