Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck out of my room so he could have sex with my mom in the next room. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
Bolter197 0
Don't date douchebags.
yankfan89 27
Don't sleep with him for a month for being a whiny bitch.
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Comments (183)
Kir0v 3
Don't sleep him.... Ever. Some guys just should not be allowed the option to reproduce.
Jawzx01 7
Some women too
Kir0v 3
Haha that is true. But I know more guys that give good guys like me a bad name
chili10 18
I know you're proud of that quote, and trust me I don't blame you, it was really quite funny.... the first time...and quoting yourself doesn't make it better. It's time to let it go...
GoW_Chick 15
You know Jumper, I might have been offended by your comment if I wasn't so thoroughly impressed by it.
Shrike 24
That quote's been around before Jumber was even born. It's oldddd.
GoW_Chick 15
Looks like he's at it again, Book em Dano ..
GoW_Chick 15
Autocorrect bested me once again, sorry Jumber10. -.-
Courtney_Sanders 6
You're a douchebag.
downtime 13
23, You assume you're a good guy...Theres no evidence to back that statement up and you're hardly in a position to make the claim.
Kir0v 3
Well you are right. On here I can't give you a reason to believe me. Only my word, besides I got no reason to make you an enemy. I'd rather the benefit of the doubt be given to you too that you are decent human being. If I'm wrong then I'm wrong, If I'm right then good the world needs more decent people.
downtime 13
Who said anything about enemies, I'm just pointing out it was a weird thing to say...
jDCrackpot 7
OP, look at your username. I think you know what you ought to do.
jad07 0
Now that's a Keeper, a diamond in the rough...
2ndSucks 15
That's been shat upon, possibly.
ImInYourFACEbook 8
That diamond probably should have stayed in the rough....forever.
goddamniluvme 0
More like a rough in the diamond
2ndSucks 15
I'm fairly certain my boyfriend would be dead if he tried that.
biggestfan23 11
Nobody cares
mama2b3 20
Mine wouldn't dare try something like that.
CaptainPickles72 18
Nobody cares that you think nobody cares! And nobody cares that I think nobody cares about you thinking nobody cares!
2ndSucks 15
I rather enjoyed your attempt to put down my comment, kiddo.
biggestfan23 11
Haha I was really kidding but it's all good
ladyLALAA 29
I hate when people say something and don't back it up!
uprising_fml 0
Why is it that people on fml make douche bag comments, then when they are attacked for being a douche, they claim they were joking/being sarcastic? just own your douche-iness people.
Haha_no_123 11
At least your parents should be proud that your not giving the chance of having a baby with the man-child?
perdix 31
Whining for sex? Sure, I'll beg, but I won't whine!
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Now here's a real man! :)
RedPillSucks 33
Whine and cheese.
GoW_Chick 15
OP's Pa: "Get my shotgun ma, I gotta teach this little twerp some manners."
l0v3p4in 7
OP's Ma: "I'm already ahead of you. I've got it cocked and loaded."
jackrileymac 4
Haha he's got nerve
monkiki62 5
My ex did that and then broke up with me because I wasn't being affectionate. It's called respect for parents.
KiddNYC1O 22
Imagine how he'd ask for your hand in marriage.
ChaosAngel17 14
Hopefully without bird poo on the ring.
KiddNYC1O 22
I'd assist in helping you learn the English language. ^ /creepiness.
CRC_101 31
Ah, that's a reference to another recent FML post. O.o Not that creepy ^_^ If fact, I personally don't technically find that at *all* creepy...