Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend's mom is talking shit about me to anyone who will listen, all because I refused to stay at her house and help her with a few chores she said she would pay me for. She keeps leaving out the part where I saw dozens of bed bugs not even 5 minutes after I got there. FML
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML
Today, my significant other woke at 4:30 a.m. to me crying about a spider in the bathroom. I have an intense fear of spiders; he was super nice and took care of it for me. He even walked me out to my car. I started to calm down driving to work, but when I got there what do I see on the door handle but a spider. I'm still shaking. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
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Top comments
Starfire22 5
You might want to consider cleaning your room more often...
Mirm83 0
I need to stop reading the comments. Spiderwebs can be spun overnight. The timing of the bites indicates that the spider had newly moved in. Who looks under the bed often enough to catch spiderwebs instantly? Getting rid of the web doesn't get rid of the spider, unless it's in it. Five bites does not equal five spiders. They aren't like bees, who sting and then die.
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Comments (92)
gaguy4cy 0
doesn't sound like a spider bite. spiders rarely bite unless forced to (defending themselves or nest). Because it had a web it was a trapping predator which means it wouldn't leave the web to track down food. Sounds like you have a bed bug problem or you haven't found the right culprit yet. also, it isn't a matter of your place being dirty. EVERY house has some type of arthropod in it despite the cleaning or pesticide use. cleaning and insecticides will lower the population density but you will not get complete eradication from your home. Finally, to the person who said that spiders can lay eggs on you. that is completely false and just plain moronic. spiders, like all animals, try to ensure the future of their progeny. which means they lay their eggs where they will survive. This equates to egg laying NOT on humans. ps doctors are ignorant when it comes to insect/arthropod bites. they may be able to lead you in a food direction but it is almost impossible to tell the culprit by just the bite.
Stormcat 0
welcome to arizona. here, there is a large variety of poisonous insects, including spiders :/ for example, black widows and brown spiders.. yeah, for those you'd need to be hospitalized
texasmadeG 0
shes talking about herself..she found a spider web under her bed and she got 5 spider bites..
Niecey89 0
My mom got bit by a brown recluse spider, those suck, their venom is a flesh eating virus, just look it up. She had to have a punch biopsy done!
40ozToFreedom 0
it's not spider bites it's called an abscess and you most likely have MRSA. the "poison" they are draining is puss.
wintamint101 7
after reading this fml in bed i felt like i got a dozen spider bites...XD
PistenDeer 0
I hate people like that (i mean his mother). Always blaming stuff on anybody but themselves. Once at school, my classmate tripped and broke her nose in front of my desk. Guess who's blamed for this by her mom?
HemptressMedea 0
Some moms need to quit babying their children. A spider bite can happen anywhere. But definitely Raid the shit out of your room after finding thoseugh. Spiders are horrible!! :(.
Binibaby91 0
Someone reallly needs to clean more often!!! Grooosssss
ifetayo 2
why does everyone keep saying that her room isn't clean? she could have the cleanest room and spiders could still come in and nest...calm you guys ****!
quontag 15
Actually it would be "his or her bed"