Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend's mom is talking shit about me to anyone who will listen, all because I refused to stay at her house and help her with a few chores she said she would pay me for. She keeps leaving out the part where I saw dozens of bed bugs not even 5 minutes after I got there. FML
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML
Today, my significant other woke at 4:30 a.m. to me crying about a spider in the bathroom. I have an intense fear of spiders; he was super nice and took care of it for me. He even walked me out to my car. I started to calm down driving to work, but when I got there what do I see on the door handle but a spider. I'm still shaking. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
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Top comments
Starfire22 5
You might want to consider cleaning your room more often...
Mirm83 0
I need to stop reading the comments. Spiderwebs can be spun overnight. The timing of the bites indicates that the spider had newly moved in. Who looks under the bed often enough to catch spiderwebs instantly? Getting rid of the web doesn't get rid of the spider, unless it's in it. Five bites does not equal five spiders. They aren't like bees, who sting and then die.
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Comments (92)
CrazyAssStories 0
how can ur brother be in the hospital one day and you sleep and wake up with all that crap on the same day?...
grshpr76 0
you cant just "extract" spider venom... if he had to go to the hospital, he's in for one wild ride that he will NOT be grateful for
Mirm83 0
I need to stop reading the comments. Spiderwebs can be spun overnight. The timing of the bites indicates that the spider had newly moved in. Who looks under the bed often enough to catch spiderwebs instantly? Getting rid of the web doesn't get rid of the spider, unless it's in it. Five bites does not equal five spiders. They aren't like bees, who sting and then die.
zelly05 0
eww
me199 0
Who?
rachexl 0
how the **** could we guess? theres over 6 billion people in the world......
TheGuyOverThere 0
I lol'd at this ^
Ninjaface 0
His mom didn't forbid him from coming over because of a spider bite, but because she knows what he had to have been doing to get bit by the spider under your bed. If you had done it on the kitchen table this wouldn't have happened.
Cristaderzi 0
Ive had literally dozens of spiders in my riimm at one time and I've never once was bitten!! Maybe get you energy in check and maybe that won't happen!!
me5 0
WhoYour mother in law
pizzlerot 0
Most "spider bites" are actually staph or other skin infections - spiders rarely bite humans. The boyfriend could have been bitten by something awful like a brown recluse (if it actually is a spider bite), but chances are, the spiderwebs under the bed and the bites and the poster and her boyfriend are unrelated.