Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend's mom is talking shit about me to anyone who will listen, all because I refused to stay at her house and help her with a few chores she said she would pay me for. She keeps leaving out the part where I saw dozens of bed bugs not even 5 minutes after I got there. FML
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML
Today, my significant other woke at 4:30 a.m. to me crying about a spider in the bathroom. I have an intense fear of spiders; he was super nice and took care of it for me. He even walked me out to my car. I started to calm down driving to work, but when I got there what do I see on the door handle but a spider. I'm still shaking. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Starfire22 5
You might want to consider cleaning your room more often...
Mirm83 0
I need to stop reading the comments. Spiderwebs can be spun overnight. The timing of the bites indicates that the spider had newly moved in. Who looks under the bed often enough to catch spiderwebs instantly? Getting rid of the web doesn't get rid of the spider, unless it's in it. Five bites does not equal five spiders. They aren't like bees, who sting and then die.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (92)
analltimelow 0
ewww #12, what do you have against cleaning?
PandaPandaPandaX 0
was the pun intended in your username?
xxxsportygurlxxx 0
woah.. lets juz hope ur bf is fine n for future safety, clean ur bed where the baby spiders are.
Ada360 0
clean your house WOMAN! but anyways hope you get better
perdix 31
Your bf's mom figures that if your bedroom is infested with bugs, then what's going on in your vejayjay? She probably thinks you might have crabs, herpes, warts, chlamydia, syphilis, etc., and just wants to protect her son.
skyeyez9 25
i dont keep anything underneath my bed. If there is clutter, spiders will move in.
cerebellum_fml 0
brown recluse. they numb and then bite, but the poison eats your flesh. 5 bites sound pretty bad.
dangletsbang21 0
I hate spiders! but yeah, consider cleaning your room moreee. might be a good idea :)
shuzuko 2
Her room doesn't necessarily have to be dirty for spiders to move in. It all depends on where she lives. My room at home is always clean, because my parents use it as the guest room when I'm away at college. But we live is a very wooded area, so there's always spiders around no matter how much we clean. I probably have 2 or 3 spider webs around my room at any given time, even though my parents clean them up weekly.
kevind23 0
The point is that if she actually cleaned, she'd notice and clear out the spider webs.
loooooooooool_fml 1
You're an idiot kevind23.
paisley_fml 0
lovely_lady_721 is right, i live on the ground floor next to an over growing public garden.. and i get atleast once a week a spider.. and I've got a phobia about spider, !!
lostfaithinpppl 19
Is your boyfriend like 5, so he needs his mommy's permission to go to your house? FYL on the spider situation though.
darkreap 3
lmfao