Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
While he is passed out take a big fat crap on his side of the bed. Then tell him that he did it. ;-)
jocelyng_fml 0
reading this, most likely somebody is going to end up saying something like British people say sick and not vomit
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Comments (85)
mustardcat 1
u must be sick of him by now
funzcpl 0
make him a nice breakfast with fried eggs with the yolk runny, sausage links with extra gristle, and some greasy gravey.
DocBastard 40
...or a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray. /obscure? Anyone?
Zebidee 9
Weird Science!
DocBastard 40
Zeb, you win one pork sandwich. :)
CoachLlama 5
Whatever you do, don't make him think about a bucket of lard...with a curly hair in it.
worldclass 0
Terrible girlfriend for letting it happen. When people get that drunk, someone should step in. Although, I hate people who don't know their limits.
ulicksam 0
agreed
tencentsakiss 19
She wasn't necessarily with him while he was drinking. She could have come and met him after the bar because he clearly needed help getting home. He should have been responsible enough to know his own limit.
kateeeh 0
aw poor you...he can clean it up(:
xycejh 0
YDI for not taming him
timskiii 0
haha you sexist piglet
slickrasta 1
Maybe he's an alcoholic? Smoke the green, you'll be keen.
CoachLlama 5
Do you consider that a fun night OP? If so, you will probably have many more fun nights with this lush.
curzy 6
by "sick" do you mean puke or explosive diarrhea?
janelson0621 0
Ewwww! So the puke is going to sit over night?! Hope you are not living together. And i hope he puked at his house and not yours.
Onetalldude 0
you look like that chick from the office, the new secretary
thrAsHeRr9081 16
She kinda does
janelson0621 0
I will have to watch it to figure out if that is a good thing or not. lol