Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML
Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML
Today, I looked at the supplements my boyfriend puts in the protein shakes we both drink. To my horror, most of them listed "boosts libido" or "increased fertility" as benefits. When I confronted him, he said ,"So? I drink them too, it's not like I'm drugging you or something." FML
Today, my boyfriend was laying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passion in his eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me that he loved me. Instead, he said, "You have a booger." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
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Top comments
NeoMatrix25 12
Girls milkshakes may bring all the boys to the yard, but his milkshake will bring her nausea and nightmares
3051628 24
That's completely filthy and uncalled for, I'm sorry you were tricked into all of that. Hopefully you can have a discussion with him and make sure something like that doesn't happen again OP.
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Comments (183)
Dillyduzit 23
Sounds like you really upset him, OP. Or he has a sick sense of humor.
PennyLane27 32
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!
Gemma_Mansonite 20
No, OP's boyfriend is just sick and twisted
Joestarry 8
no her boyfriend is just creative :^)
mzcupcakez 20
#79- Omg no. it's just plain disgusting.
smudgey_bubbles_ 8
they're like "it's better than yours!"
gpg5 19
I thought we all agreed to never be creative again
SaharaZinc 14
No, it sounds like she needs a new boyfriend.
jeepers_1 21
I could teach you but I'd have to charge.
3051628 24
That's completely filthy and uncalled for, I'm sorry you were tricked into all of that. Hopefully you can have a discussion with him and make sure something like that doesn't happen again OP.
chlorinegreen 27
It probably won't since I hope they won't be together anymore. I would be done at that point. Whether he did it to be funny or not that crosses a VERY big line for me. Ew.
Kyp_kingofhearts 12
My question is why tf would he do that? That's really immature and unnecessary.
NeoMatrix25 12
Girls milkshakes may bring all the boys to the yard, but his milkshake will bring her nausea and nightmares
901_khad 10
That was better than the original post. kmsl
lil_ham1644 29
Kmsl?
Kielnmsoftly 26
Means Kieling Me Softly ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
foxwasalamb 24
kill me so loud? kissing my soft leg?
babygirl6214 19
killed my sides laughing??
Ichiya 29
Koalas make sex lazily
One_Way 43
Kahlua makes Spaniards loopy?
cmchappy 25
I'm inside of you Brian
Grenith 21
Perfect reference.
cmchappy 25
I'm guessing your new here but thanks next time just give it a like:)
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Wow #118, you must be new here; you're not the comment police. Seriously, though, WTF was up with that comment? Pretty rude.
Harpy20 24
Noobs calling other noobs new...
PoshChip 9
Love the shirt bro
cmchappy 25
If I was trying to be rude why would I say thanks
HilarityOfLife 8
Oh gross...
Dave_Davington 34
Why the **** would you do that?!
jpsullivan 36
Bake him poop brownies. Then dump him.
Crazynopantsman 11
I see what you did there.
AlwaysWatching 27
Unless he likes that or something. Who knows what was going through his head
KittyLahv 27
"Eat my shit!"
KK3137 31
That was the best scene!
krumpus 1
This is the only comment on here that makes any sense whatsoever.
Sunflower1919 19
Surely you'd notice it contained long curly hairs rather than little black seeds before you drank it?!
AdmiralGrammar 4
I would expect so. Most likely it WAS poppyseed and OP's boyfriend said it as a joke, then OP turned out to be extremely gullible.
feelingold 18
You just cut em reeeeeeal short.
kewpiesuicide 29
Is nobody else concerned that poppyseeds are much thicker than hairs? If they were pubes, how thick do they have to be for her to be convinced that they were seeds??
Saicere 15
#58, maybe he braided them first, for extra thickness :)
rocketiquette 20
Exactly! How could you possibly mistake one for the other?!
iAmPaul 49
This whole chain of replies is ******-up.
sunnyray812 42
It is possible that he could've cut up his pubic hair to make it smaller.
Phooey 22
she said he made her a milkshake... a blender might have been used.
booksxforxlife 2
uhhh...It's a milkshake. It would be blended up.
Gabilliam 19
I'd dump him. That's just over the line and beyond gross.
Pstraka6 20
Ummm...why? That's not even humorous
laden_swallow09 35
"Hurrhurrhurr, I made you eat something gross. I'm so funny! Durrhurrhurr!" Doesn't have to make sense to make an a-hole idiot laugh.