ihmmil
🌶️ Spicy
Belly Finger
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
thedoc
Amarillo, United States 🌶️ Spicy
No kink-shaming on FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML
disgusted
Harpenden, United Kingdom
The language of love
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Sensitive!!!
Brisbane, Australia 🌶️ Spicy
A teaching moment
Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
...thanks honey
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Smooth talking
Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML
milked
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Anonymous
Atwater, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Hey good lookin'
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Busted
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML
WasntWorthIt
Concord, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
uhhggggg
France 🌶️ Spicy
Cut it out
Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Tell him you want to see if he can get it in your "Front Butt Hole." You'll both be celibate for a while.
Giritina99 2
His what...?
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Tell him you want to see if he can get it in your "Front Butt Hole." You'll both be celibate for a while.
Giritina99 2
His what...?
RichardPencil 32
What is erect penis? Now l'll take Boner-Killing Euphemisms for $800, Alex.
Talented73 54
in other words, his middle leg.
hamburgerjung 23
*Salutes* Major Mood Kill xD
Taurus_ChicKa 37
That doesn't even make sense - a penis isn't on your belly, idiot. Sounds like someone needs to go back to biology class and learn about the human anatomy.
peterblackmer91 12
Ewwww. I'm with you. That would kill my mood too.