Today, my boyfriend got a hotel room with a jacuzzi, drinks, and tickets to Six Flags for my birthday. He is currently passed out drunk on the other side of the bed, cursing me out in his sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML
Today, for my birthday, I got a hotel room for me and my boyfriend. He decided that spending time with a female friend was more important than spending time with me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
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Top comments
mikeofthunder 13
That isn't a bad attempt OP, he obviously spent a lot of money on you which shows he cares. He's just a bad drunk.
Steve95401 49
Your boyfriend sounds like a real winner.
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Comments (123)
raw_tigahh 2
First!!
SierraaaNicoleee 26
Psh, more like first comment wasted.
SierraaaNicoleee 26
What a party pooper.
Papaswole 0
agreed.
nictransitglory 4
Not yet, but I'm sure he'll shit the bed at some point that night.
Linkisomnivore 8
Hahaha totally
Steve95401 49
Your boyfriend sounds like a real winner.
TheDrifter 24
Exactly, he's taking a moment in his REM sleep to win all those little arguments he lost to op. By the time he wakes up he should be ready for breakfast and a trip to six flags.
tjv3 10
Well happy bday OP. I hope it gets better. If I were closer I would at least take you out to dinner. I know what it's like to have a shitty bday.
xxblmpknxx 10
At least he's sleeping. It'd be different if he were conscious.
gars56 5
Ya, he's probably bummed out because it was an expensive trip!
mollymayan 3
Boyfriend? More like asshole. Dodge that bullet while you can.
Melvar_10 3
Oh so his other gifts were meaningless? Stfu retard
RussianFox 13
5- Words cannot describe your stupidity. You sound like a very ungrateful spoiled brat.
Nbackus9 4
43, I agree with you. He just got you an awesome birthday present op. let him have some fun too. He can't help what he dreams.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
You guys who say she shouldn't complain are unbelievably childish and I feel sorry for your girlfriends if you have any. He did get her a nice present but he managed to ruin it with his incredible selfishness. OP was clearly hoping she would spend the evening having fun with him. That he got drunk to the point of passing out shows such a lack of respect for her. It looks like he got that hotel night for his own enjoyment, not hers. How can this be a fun birthday if she ends up stuck with an unconscious drunk (who is drunkenly cussing her on top of that)? He better makes it up to her big time. If it is a one off, there is still hope for this relationship. If he is the type who cannot drink without getting hammered, well she would be better off without him.
klovely22 13
65- Ever hear that saying, "It's the thought that counts."? I'm sure he didn't know he was going to get drunk and pass out when he planned it. As a female, I would have been happy with the effort and the fact that he was there. I feel sorry for your boyfriend. It must be hard trying to please a spoiled, ungrateful brat.
Neva_fml 10
Agreed.
barricadebabe 15
#118 He didn't know he would get drunk? Pretty sure to get drunk you have to decide to pick up the bottle...
mikeofthunder 13
That isn't a bad attempt OP, he obviously spent a lot of money on you which shows he cares. He's just a bad drunk.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Hmm, actually, spending lots of money on someone doesn't mean shit. It's a plus, yes.
dhenri 9
I remember my first beer too
misvenus000 4
Couldn't have said it better myself! At least the guy was asleep. It would be worse if he was awake and saying that to her. He sounds like a nice guy. Just can't do well with alcohol!
FMLshark 12
How considerate of him. Toss him overboard a boat while he's out and I'll eat him right up, OP. Eating a drunk human is my version of a vodka shot.
Nbackus9 4
How punny of you Mr. Shark.
FMLKitten 15
And how considerate of you FMLshark! But I'm not quite sure if OP wants a mangled up boyfriend or not. Alchohol makes you a bloody fool, not a truth telling idiot! I'm sure OP must have realize that by now.
FMLKitten 15
realized*
Kiki242 19
If it makes you feel better happy birthday. Get a friend and go to Six Flags.
PeteyPablo12308 20
No, I was thinking maybe they should go to Six Flags...
PrincessesCrown 17
That sucks OP. I say take the tickets and go with a friend. If he is cussing you out while he is sleeping think about what he is saying while sober. He doesn't deserve you.
PrincessesCrown 17
9 posted theirs while I was typing.
mikeofthunder 13
Does nobody else curse people in their sleep? Alcohol doesn't always evoke the truth; sometimes it just makes you a drooling mess.
PrincessesCrown 17
In that case op should go with a friend, because her boyfried was rude enough to get drunk, when they should of been spending time together. No point in taking a drunk guy to sixflags.
Melvar_10 3
If he paid for drinks, THEN DRINK.... shit a bunch of the girls here are not old enough to know what's going on
ManInTheMachine 20
You're not even of legal drinking age Melvar, so I don't know what the **** you're bitching about.
colonolSexy 2
47 - And who follows the drinking age anymore?
DocBastard 40
colonolSexy - Oh, I don't know...people who aren't self-destructive morons, perhaps? People who care about laws? Children who have parents who brought them up to be obedient, not rash idiots who use "YOLO" as an excuse for acting like a fool?
Psych101 9
63- "YOLO" is just Carpe Diem for idiots. I still prefer Hakuna Mattata.
Grammar_Nazi01 5
Wait, I hope you idiots know 21 isn't the legal age all over the world. Great, another self-centered idiot from the USA. You idiots ruin it for anyone with a shred of intelligence still remaining in the USA. You're neighbours to the south are 12. Canada is 18-19 depending on the province. THAT is only close proximity, yet you are too ignorant to even realize it.
Grammar_Nazi01 5
Your* Great time for autocorrect on my phone. Lol.
ManInTheMachine 20
68: First of all, **** you for assuming I'm ignorant. OF COURSE I KNOW 21 isn't an international drinking age. Secondly, Melvar lives in 'Americuh', so your argument is invalid. Thanks for throwing around baseless insults though, ya douche.
DocBastard 40
Grammar_Nazi01. You've completely ruined my illusion that Canadians are all polite. Now I know that there are hypocritical blathering fucktards like you all over the world. My world is crumbling!
TheDrifter 24
I dunno Doc, that tirade on drinking ages makes it sound like someone might be an American in denial, too ashamed to admit openly to their home country. Plus, we generally insult with dripping sarcasm eh. Totally lacking from the wannabe hoser's rant.
Grammar_Nazi01 5
Oh, stfu Doc. You self important asshat. You might have pulled the wool over everyone else's eyes, but I remember exactly how much of a blabbering idiot you once were. Rah Rah. Just because you have changed the way you respond, doesn't change the fact of who you still are. ;) Too bad these people don't remember.
DocBastard 40
WHAT THE **** are you talking about? You must have me confused with someone else, you clueless ******* twat. You have no idea who I am or what I am. Please, oh historian of FML, please enlighten me and the masses of who I used to be. I'd love to know what you're talking about.
ManInTheMachine 20
Don't try and redirect the spotlight, Grammar_Nazi. This isn't about Doc, it's about you being a complete ******* idiot. Save your personal grievances for the PM's. Now do us all a favor and piss off.
Factor_fml 6
Being brought up to be obedient is not always a good thing, especially when you become an adult.
klovely22 13
99- "You imbecilic skid-mark on FML's collective underwear."! LOVE IT!! Haha!
deBlobX 12
At least he prepared well, I mean a lot of boyfriends don't even do that
FMLshark 12
There are boyfriends who will do that AND stay sober during their girlfriends' birthdays.
Melvar_10 3
FMLshark, ever thought maybe he wanted to party, had a couple drinks with the gf, then went ahead and had more??? Alcohol does things to people, blame alcohol not the person.
ManInTheMachine 20
Melvar_10: With your logic, I guess we can blame the Colorado massacre on the guns, or better still, the lack of gun regulation, right? Because the guns killed all of those poor people, not the crazy fuckwad who devised the plan, right?? Just like you can't blame the massacre on the guns, you can't blame him getting drunk on the alcohol. Owning a gun doesn't mean you have to shoot somebody with it, and having alcohol doesn't mean you have to get piss yourself drunk. It's called SELF CONTROL. Try it some time.
neilykins 29
35: there is nothing I dislike more than when people blame things on alcohol. Unless your drink has been spiked, you still know what your doing and if you don't, you shouldn't be drinking.