Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML
Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML
Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML
Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML
Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML
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Top comments
PimpinPenguin 0
You should have cast an enlargement spell on him
JoeDotPadilla 0
It coulda been worse. He coulda been Voldemort.
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Comments (235)
mikelam94 0
hahahahaha harry potter is so gay but that was ****** hilarious
VegHead13 0
Pshaw! He sounds like the perfect guy to me!
railfan_fml 0
stole the words out of my mouth, sessee
overxrated 0
he is definitely a keeper.
Lady_Lakura 0
That is not a FML thing, that is MLA thing that's awesome, kinky, and damn hot! (Of course for me it would likely be something from Star Trek) But I guess if you're not into Role Playing it would be a little freaky.
paramore7890 0
ur noyfreind is my new best freind! haha jk.;))
matthewstrong 0
Did you slay the basalisk?
Erindub 0
How can you say FML if you agreed and went ahead with it any ways?
ifreakingsparkle 0
haha. mathsponge, rollplaying sex as vampires is the greatest shit ever. but really, for your first time, he should have at least tried to act normal.
cheenie 0
Now anyone who will look into the eye of basilisk will die...