Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
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Top comments
nieldan 8
I guess there are two ******* purring
Not_Impressed13 9
Did you stop and take notes?
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Comments (100)
headofmedusa 15
Who won the contest?
XBurytheCastleX 25
She screeched because male cats have barbed penises. It hurts her a lot.
Mandybruin 15
Well, dang. Better take notes then.
Radoh 3
They were "having it harder" because cats have barbed penises.
pere 11
The screech was because the male cat has spines on his penis. #killjoy
mosquito19 14
don't you spay or neuter your pets?
Chasing_fml 5
You need to get those cats neutered and spayed, immediately. Otherwise you're just another bad, irresponsible owner. :(
ArashiGirl 13
To the people yelling at them to get their cats spayed and neutered...Male cats do each other too. My friend had a set of cats who were littermates whom she often had to clean their semen off of the couch because they would **** each other EVERY DAY. Sometimes the black and white one was on top sometimes it was on bottom.
Broctoroc 8
That does happen, but it does not take away the need for spay/neuter. Any animal that has not been desexed can add to the overpopulation problem, even indoor only animals. And, if she would neuter them, she would no longer have to clean semen off her furniture.
ArashiGirl 13
These cats were kittens, who were psychically too young and not only that but she couldn't AFFORD to neuter them (her mother's fault not her's, she was a kid)
Broctoroc 8
Kittens can be spayed and neutered at 8 weeks. If they are old enough to hump with the presence of semen, they are old enough to be spayed. Low cost spay and neuter clinics exist. If she still can't afford it with a reduced cost surgery, she can't afford to have the cats, plain and simple. You make cuts to your own budget to be a responsible pet owner, or you don't become a pet owner. No excuses.
ArashiGirl 13
Yeah, that's easier said then done, when they couldn't even afford to take them to a vet...Not exactly the most responsible pet owners.
Olivia93 20
The cats were getting tips of you and your boyfriend OP :)
devildog3766 3
Challenge accepted!