Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Sexy catboys rule my life
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Pussy power
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
I did not consent to this under my roof
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML
Pussy palace
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Top comments
nieldan 8
I guess there are two ******* purring
Not_Impressed13 9
Did you stop and take notes?
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Comments (100)
DriAA7 17
And claws that dig into your skin to keep you from escaping.
Broctoroc 8
Your cats should not be able to mate in the first place! Please spay and neuter. Think of the homeless kittens!
MegasaurusRex89 28
That's what shelters are for. In the last two months, the shelter I volunteer for has had more than 170 kittens come through that needed rescuing. People should really start there.
Broctoroc 8
You should go to a shelter instead because there are already thousands of cats and kittens that exist in shelters and need homes precisely because owners don't spay and neuter. Why add to the overpopulation problem when there are plenty waiting for a home as it is? It's cheaper, better for the cat population, and healthier for your existing cats. If you know someone who wants kittens, send them to the shelter.
arre2006 19
What MegasaurusRex89 said.
clemscott 10
You are a ******* idiot. Shame on you. It's idiots like you that contribute to this problem.
Sigilwen 24
And if they are a pure breed cats and she wants kittens?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#30- Really? Go to the shelter and look at a cat or kitten(s) that have hours to live (or is in a no kill shelter but is still living in a cage) and try to justify your ass-backwards beliefs. Just because you have dogs or cats that CAN procreate doesn't mean you should LET them. Cats can have a lot of kittens. You're honestly trying to say that if you bred your cats you could keep 4-6 possible babies? If you could honestly afford that...get your cats fixed and adopt that many cats from the shelter; cats and kittens everywhere are in urgent need of homes because people decide to let them breed without considering the consequences, and then they get taken to the shelter when it's apparent that they can't care for all of them. Overpopulation in cats and dogs is a huge deal (in the US, at least). Sorry for the essay. TLDR; fix your pets unless you're a legitimate breeder who does health and genetic testing and everything necessary to produce a quality litter.
Broctoroc 8
I'm glad you're being a responsible owner, and am really sorry to hear that you've had bad experiences with shelters. Here in the US, cat overpopulation is a huge problem because we don't have as many options for funding spay/neuter clinics and things of that nature. It's a huge mess, and those of us that know about it often get ruffled when the topic comes up because there are so many people here that choose to ignore the problem and continue contributing to it.
Broctoroc 8
It sounds like hamsters in your area have a similar problem to the cats of the US. It's good to hear that the larger animals get better care, and I hope something can be done for your smaller pets! I'm glad you did research to understand more of the problem. Sadly, as you can tell from some of the other comments, US citizens sometimes don't even take the time to do that. Where do you live, if you don't mind my asking?
Broctoroc 8
That is very true of rodents. Unfortunately, there would be no way to enforce a law like that. I've thought about it myself, but it's just not practical. It's really difficult to enforce what animal protection laws we do have, and the punishments are always minimal. It doesn't help that laws regarding the keeping and treatment of animals vary from state to state, and even from city to city in some places. It's just not something that people care much about as far as the law is concerned here. People are always fighting for better regulations, but the ones who know their stuff and push for things that would help are often drowned out by extreme activists that don't really know how to help. But, even still, we are slowly making progress for our feline and canine friends!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#79- I wasn't trying to be rude so forgive me if I was. :) I didn't realize that you don't live in the US because your profile doesn't state it, and I have plenty of friends who allow their cats to get pregnant time and time again and then they drop the kittens off in parks. :( (They only told me this afterwards or I'd have taken them). So I do get fired up about the subject but I didn't mean any disrespect.
ksks1234 33
You can get rabbits fixed, I have owned several rabbits and they have all been spayed or neutered. I adopted a kitten from a shelter, his test came back positive for feline leukemia. I had the choice to give him back, but I declined. I know he will has a very short life span, but I figured it is better than being out down right away or living completely isolated. I think people should adopt the sick animals.
Broctoroc 8
I'd have to agree with the sick animals thing. I think the better alternative is to work on TNR, education, and funding for existing shelters so that there are less sick cats to adopt in the first place. I would not support a first time cat owner adopting a sick cat because of inexperience. The better option for first timers is to adopt the older, healthy cats in the shelter that get ignored. Everyone wants kittens, nobody wants the perfectly lovely 3 year old. What people, especially inexperienced owners, don't realize is that kittens' personalities change as they age and require a lot more work! Many times, first time owners will not realize how much work a kitten will be, and will return it to the shelter. The same is true of the sick ones, or ones with behavioural issues. With older cats, what you see is usually what you get. If you're experienced and have the time and money, then get the sick ones! I've adopted many sick cats in my young life, but it's my field.
ColonelCusswords 24
Male cats have spined penises that destroy the female cats ****** on its way out. That sound was more pain than pleasure
LittleBells 17
The spikes don't really 'destroy' the ******, just a painful scrape. Cats mate a lot (Most of the time with different partners) so if it were destroyed the first time then they wouldn't be able to have as many kittens.
gracehi 33
I think it's only a certain breed of cat that has a spiked penis.
jeepers_1 21
The reason they have spiked penises is actually to stimulate ovulation.
Sigilwen 24
All cats do #40.
junkman6 22
Is it a bad thing that rule #34 popped into my head here? Someone should go google that and report back if it exists. I don't want that in my search history.
weveallbeenthere 30
next time, just enjoy what you have going on and don't worry about the cats.
Sigilwen 24
That sound could wake the dead, I doubt op could ignore it.
HdRob06 4
I couldn't stop laughing as soon as I read this. xD
hrpuffstuff69 8
curiosity killed the puss
DriAA7 17
It's crazy how few species have sex for pleasure, or even pleasurable sex.
uniformed 13
Don't feel too jealous considering that male cats penises are barbed and the female was actually most likely in pain lol
amisenho 11
I feel sorry for your female cat. Hopefully, you've been wanting to take care of more cats in your home, or else YDI for not having at least one of them fixed.
cryssycakesx3 23
maybe the female is fixed
Ravike 17
Owner like cat?