Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and mother started supplementing my newborn son with formula, because they are such control freaks and don't like my son getting attached to me. He was doing very well while exclusively breastfed according to the doctor. But it looks like my happiness or my son's well-being is of zero importance. FML
Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML
Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair. He reached up and grabbed the first thing available to him: my nipple. I got purple-nurpled by my baby. FML
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
Today, my mother-in-law said, "I just find I'm not at all confident bottle feeding a baby, as I breastfed all of mine." Thank you for making me feel like s*** for me decision to bottle feed. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, my 11 month-old son stopped saying mom and started saying dad. He already looks exactly like him. I can't help but feel jealous. FML
Today, while breast feeding my 7 month-old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML
Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
that1guy1 13
Hey, it's a step in the right direction!
Mennooboer 12
Manboobs ftw. =D
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (182)
that1guy1 13
Hey, it's a step in the right direction!
zojieeu 6
Lol you got to get in shape dude
Ghoztencountr 0
You no what they say if your titiies are big it's time to put on a wig. Trannies ftw
i_amthe_walrus 0
It doesn't mean op is out of shape. Babies know where breasts and nipples are supposed to be if they are breastfed.
i_amthe_walrus 0
32- It could have just made him self-conscious about his body. If you are over weight, you know.
Choose_Wisely 5
WHERE'S THE MILK?!
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
It's downstairs tsk tsk*
amayasoma 19
Anyone else pictured that episode of Family Guy were Peter tried to breast feed Stewie?
tellithowitis 13
WHERE'S THE BEEF?
salsa324 0
125 I did
juliahockey 0
Agreed with 125. Peter breastfed stewie, probably the funniest moment ever.
juliahockey 0
Agreed with 125. Peter breastfed stewie, probably the funniest moment ever.
juliahockey 0
Agreed with 125. Peter breastfed stewie, probably the funniest moment ever.
FarSide 23
So, it sucks for you, eh?
Chloe2008 0
Son "it looked like you had more milk than mommy"
theunwiseone 4
Could you repeat that?
theunwiseone 4
Could u repeat that 135-137?
alice18_fml 6
hahahahahahahahahahahaha good eye good eye XD
alice18_fml 6
at #125 classic!
LexSpades 4
Apparently he has better **** lol
ChaCerCam 14
YDI for not getting in shape when knowing a baby's coming to be able to play outside with him.
Mennooboer 12
Manboobs ftw. =D
NomOnShroomz 14
*moobs
13FTW 9
In this case it'd be his mits.
Lanceeden 12
Or 'mugs'
flockz 20
or melons.
Blazingcrono 6
Mreasts.
raaawwwrrZ 8
Mazongas?
Reign_fml 3
Bresticles
zombicidal 11
meewwbbs
HetaliaFreak 10
C-C-C COMBO BREAKER
uncleyuggles 0
"I got man boobs like jagger"
abewho21 3
Killer instinct! ******* classic!!!
amoscore 5
This reminds me of something I saw with Peter griffin on YouTube.
TH_Insomniak 15
#72 oh Lord that image ruined my night
Benpai74 0
theres a reason im an ass guy its because if i wanted to grab some **** i can just grab my own
Justforlolz 14
To him, it doesn't matter. Just be happy that he is heading in the right direction
Meme1988 18
True, for him.. All he needs is love and MILK :)))
GOTxMILK 5
Got milk?
Blissfull_Sin 7
Lmao I'm sorry but that was funny lol
TheresNoEffingwa 7
I came to the comment section of this FML with hopes that no one has made a family guy reference, and so far no one has. I just dont know exactly what to say, but just know I thought about it.
Lanceeden 12
I hate it when I find hair in my milk...
liquidSELECT 0
Wow..........just wow
Lanceeden 12
Especially when it's not my own hair. And that of a nipple. A mans nipple.
RedPillSucks 33
Or worse, NOT a nipple hair.
RacerX1695 1
Lol 101 looks like Teal'c from sg-1
xcowboys 0
Even worse, a PUBIC HAIR, havnt had one if those in quite a while.
mpsteve137 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This might be an early sign over your child's sexuality being off.
ProhibitionRose 14
It's also a sign that you're slightly retarded.
Meme1988 18
Wth???
mpsteve137 15
It's also a sign you should go **** yourself
flockz 20
if you ****** yourself, would that be considered incest or masturbation?
Justforlolz 14
56 - What's the matter? Butthurt that your comment was seen as useless and pathetic by everyone? Maybe you did the same thing when you was a baby and now your trying to play it off. Lemme hear a reason.
sparkman97 7
FLOCKZ FTW. so his sexuality is, what, a car i guess? And there's a sign over it saying "OFF"? Hmm...
NomOnShroomz 14
STOP FEEDING THE TROLL!!
NomOnShroomz 14
Why DO men have nipples?
tonitonitoni113 4
Yeah. What are they even for?
NomOnShroomz 14
Nipple clamps. Definitely nipple clamps.
uprising_fml 0
men can also lactate . though it's less common .
dcaruso 1
We begin similar as embryo and fetus. Oddly as female. Specifics can be googled - it's odd but wtvr. Rib from Adam?
ikickgingers 15
They weren't made for biting? Well, shht.
Enslaved 38
Q:Why did God make women with nipples? A: To make suckers out of men.(:
Sweet121 0
Men have nipples because both male and female embryos start out as female. As the baby grows, testosterone kicks in and he grows his junk. Nipples on men aren't biologically useful. And if a man lactates, it means he has mammary glands and he is most likely a hermaphrodite.
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
Because male are just an evolved female, that's why we are stronger and smarter, well some of us, oh shemales are just another species
haw008 14
Nipples are also derived from sweat glands
leadman1989 16
73 - Sexist ASSHOLE... not only that you've shown that you don't know A THING about evolution or how it works!!! TTFO (Time to **** OFF)
Spastastic 6
Actually, 59, it's normal for men to have mammary glands -- it doesn't mean they're intersex. Most men can lactate under certain conditions.
ShyAnn29 15
It's left over from early fetal development - at a certain point we were just a fetus with an undetermined gender, and then a flood of hormones came along in utero and told us what gender we were going to be. Nipples are a leftover from that time. Men do have mammary tissue, anyway. Just a tiny, tiny bit of it. (thank you google)
OnceuponAtime33 0
Actually we start out as unisex.
cj7geojeep 0
No...no we don't...pulling fake facts out of your ass gets you nowhere. You're not as smart as you think, buddy.
loopsy_fml 14
Because they are sexy! Or maybe nipple rings... Which are sexy! Soooooooo, yea, to be sexy. Besides, just imagine a topless man, nippleless. Gross!
Badab1ng 5
Sweet succulent man nips. No one can resist, even though they may deny.
ColtsDoug18 0
Moooooooooooooooooobs :)
megan_lovee 0
love yur pic[:
DottieGothicGirl 3
Love ur pic. Haha
foodlord 5
Ur wife either has really small boobs or u need to get in shape
sunrise1234 3
Like said a few comments ago, this doesn't mean he is overweight. The baby just couldn't tell the difference between a female or male nipple.
soccerchicx9x 5
95- Actually, OP's name is even "possiblyoverweight". So I'm pretty sure the dad has some big man boobs.
jePomme 0
Maybe it's "possiblyoverweight" because he feels that if his baby confused their nipples then he might have man boobs, which is often the result of being overweight.
soccerchicx9x 5
That's basically what I said -_- lol.
evilplatypus 39
That's friggin adorable