Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled, "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was at the doctor's looking nasty and sick, I ran into my ex. He was my first boyfriend and he cheated on me the whole time, and then left me. I went into a room with my friend while we were waiting and told her EVERYTHING about him. Turns out everyone heard me, INCLUDING HIM. Now I have to see him tomorrow. FML
Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML
Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He said, "Yeah well, you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, it turns out she's actually dating him. FML
Today, I learned that my ex-boyfriend didn't cheat on me with my ex-best friend like he said. He just wanted an excuse to break up. To make matters worse, when I tried to talk to her, she slapped me and gave me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I was yelled at by my ex's best friend and ex-partner. Long story short, I cheated and no, it wasn't right and wasn't a good thing to do, but now I'm being told he has the right to remind me everyday and make sure I never forget my mistakes, and that they are supposed to make sure I never fall out of line. FML
Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML
Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML
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Top comments
cheezball63 8
Damn that's cold
ninjala 10
Shitlord. I can't get over that title.
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Comments (79)
cheezball63 8
Damn that's cold
cristy91 33
Definitely cold as ice. He was even willing to sacrifice their love!
ElementaryEdGuy 18
Well, since the store already hates her, she could've gone off on a "your peepee is too small; I had to go elsewhere" tangent and she would be the cold one.
TheCanucklehead 22
What's cold is it was snowing in the frozen sextion while op was eating ice cream
TheCanucklehead 22
No spelling mistakes in that comment. Try to get the reference
iBanana 17
Does anyone else just LOVE OP's insult "shitlord?" Not being sarcastic at all. Shitlord. The ruler of all things shitty. How original!
Krystal3408 32
Well you're looking for original insults, huh
Soloman212 28
I think shitpeasant is a tad more insulting, but it doesn't have the same ring to it.
ZombieInConverse 13
well, he's an asshole.
webbface 25
I would not know what I would have done if that happened to me! That sucks OP! I probably would have just stood there frozen! Why would anyone do that especially if he cheated?!
sarah1029_fml 7
I believe the correct term is "shitlord"
PhishloverA 14
No he's a shitlord!
slayertack 19
Don't let it get to you, it's not like you'll be seeing any of them again.
RevenVx 16
Unless she lives in a small town where everybody knows everybody.
kthsdm 12
FYL op! Just ignore him
ninjala 10
Shitlord. I can't get over that title.
Narcoterrorist 6
Shitbaron.
UnluckyGenius 21
Shitperor
cottoncandymango 17
I would like to thank OP for using the term "shitlord". I will be using this for any future situation that may be necessary.
bunny911 16
As will I, 34, as will I.
Llama_Face89 34
Kakhan?
MagicMike1496 6
Haha I had to read it twice because I couldn't help but laugh when I read the word shitlord. I didn't even know it was a word.
Soloman212 28
(Psst... It's not.)
iedsrduan 18
59, the fact that someone uses a word doesn't mean it's officially accepted as one.
Nyx_fml 23
Maybe he just still resents you for that time you cheated on Monopoly. He should know what cheating means.
badluckross 21
That's when you shout back "I only did it because you forced me to when you snorted your stupid cocaine, I begged you not to"
Michael_92 20
Well at least you know he is a fucktard and that you are much better off now.
Spider_Web 11
*shitlord
mulumequitem 6
He sounds like a genius
olpally 33
What a sociopathic asshat. He really is a shitlord of an ex.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Damn. An asshole shitlord I get, but sociopathic? Kind of a stretch...