Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
Today, my daughter lost a tooth. I wanted to make the Tooth Fairy experience extra special, so I dipped her doll's feet in paint to leave “tracks” from the window to her bed. As I was adding the finishing touches and spreading glitter, I tripped on a toy, faceplanted and lost my own tooth. FML
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
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Top comments
graveworm 0
she's 5 and your how old? how can she make you do anything? get a grip.
PityFool 0
I don't know what to think, here. Either that's love, or that's just demeaning. This could be the first time she learns about loss, if you stop right now.
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Comments (147)
jessxoxo28 5
LOL!!!! y dont u give the kid 5 bucks and tell her to get on with her life, she's gonna no someday that the tooth fairy wont come
LALALALagirrl 1
is it your daughter or wife that makes you look? either way, you should really stop:| tell your kid, that the toothfairy will come next time, and bring double, or whatever, but you can't let people always control youu. at least this proves you obviously really love her:) when your digging through shit, it's gone too far lol
mollytamale 1
YDI for lying to your kid about the tooth fairy
evilbrent 0
it's true. the fact that you're willing to go to such disgusting lengths to maintain a lie... man, if you'll do that for such a stupid stupid stupid little lie, how are they ever going to trust you?
FSBull 0
Aint kids great!!
bodneyy 0
haha, your wife sucks. tell the kid the tooth fairy took it and give her a quarter. or tell her there is no tooth fairy.
Exlibris 0
Good time for you to learn a lesson "when to say 'no' to your kids". Just tell her the tooth fairy knows when she losses her teeth no matter if the tooth is under her pillow or not. If you wait a couple days and then put a quarter under her pillow she will assume it came out and the tooth fairy came and got it.
tomakobriefs 11
YDI. Just tell your kid that HEY, TOOTH FAIRY ISN"T REAL! End of problem.
DogFun 0
When I was a kid, my parents never told me anything about a Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunner. For the tooth fairy they just said "It's a tradition to give someone money when they lost a tooth." It's time to bring your 5 year old to reality. Tell her that the tooth fairy is a lie.
wingedspiritus 0
omg when I was a kid, this happened to me. The tooth never appeared. ):
bubbarific 0
the tooth isnt goin to come out of the shit looking fresh and clean especially not after goin thru the digestive system