Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
Today, my daughter lost a tooth. I wanted to make the Tooth Fairy experience extra special, so I dipped her doll's feet in paint to leave “tracks” from the window to her bed. As I was adding the finishing touches and spreading glitter, I tripped on a toy, faceplanted and lost my own tooth. FML
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
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Top comments
graveworm 0
she's 5 and your how old? how can she make you do anything? get a grip.
PityFool 0
I don't know what to think, here. Either that's love, or that's just demeaning. This could be the first time she learns about loss, if you stop right now.
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Comments (147)
HeyItsJack 0
your daughter can make you dig through her shit?! don't let her walk all over you
rosierosierosie 0
Use this against her in the future or tell her friends about it when she's older.
Illumi113 0
That's not necessary. She's a five-year-old girl. She's not yet smart enough to understand the concept that Daddy really doesn't want to dig through her shit so she can get 50 cents from the tooth fairy. He doesn't need to hold this against her, and he definitely doesn't need to go rummaging through his daughter's poop. If this guy isn't even smart enough to think of a way to get out of this, this is the only job he's suited for anyway.
chowyuk 0
wow can you not think of a way to outsmart your 5yo to think you got it already wow
Jenspaztic 0
my sister did the same thing. my mom just wrote a note to the "toothfairy" explaining what happened and told her to put that under her pillow.
I_am_stupid_also 6
I never got the point of the tooth fairy. And my kids learned early on that Santa Claus did not die on the cross for our sins.
waterynuggets 0
Santa Claus is to children what Jesus is to adults.
TheHeroOfTime 0
Fake?
Illumi113 0
Well, Santa Claus wasn't Jesus, but I agree with you about not deluding our children into believing some ridiculous story from 2000 years ago. We can't make our children think that the entire universe is guided by an invisible man with superpowers.
xxstealthxx 0
thats stupid, the tooth would have broken down from the acids in your body
Illumi113 0
I don't think so. I don't think the hydrochloric acid in a human stomach is powerful enough to dissolve a tooth.
shamille 5
just continue her education like your wife did and tell her there's no tooth fairy. might as well break the news about the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, too.
evilbrent 0
don't they have 'no' in your language?? ytfdi
Illumi113 0
Now would be a good time to teach your daughter about common sense and explain that there is no tooth fairy, only parents and loose change. Or, you could just tell her that the magical tooth fairy knew she swallowed her tooth, but would give her the money anyway. Your wife is an idiot for even implying that you could get the tooth from your daughter's poo. If your daughter really wants her tooth back, she can dig through her own shit. On second thought, that would probably result in even more trouble for the OP, since small children have enough trouble with poop without picking it up after they're done. Whatever you do, don't spend days digging through shit just to find a tooth. Just give her the money, and you can either tell her the truth about the tooth fairy, or bullshit her some more.
Laurrr109 0
i wonder if stomach acid would dissolve a tooth.. that would suuuuuck
muffinsareyummy 1
you and your wife need to stop spoiling the little brat. you're going through her shit looking for a ******* tooth that stomach acids possibly already dissolved. what happens if she can't get a condom wrapper open? is she going to come running to you asking for you to open it for her?