Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
Today, my daughter lost a tooth. I wanted to make the Tooth Fairy experience extra special, so I dipped her doll's feet in paint to leave “tracks” from the window to her bed. As I was adding the finishing touches and spreading glitter, I tripped on a toy, faceplanted and lost my own tooth. FML
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
graveworm 0
she's 5 and your how old? how can she make you do anything? get a grip.
PityFool 0
I don't know what to think, here. Either that's love, or that's just demeaning. This could be the first time she learns about loss, if you stop right now.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (147)
capital_seven 0
Now, you should tell your kid about other parts of human anatomy. Like stomach acid.
hellomynamekeyes 0
YDI for giving in to that. Grow a pair.
Qup 0
jeez you're stupid. just tell her she still gets the dollar for her tooth. this isn't the first time this has happened. make up a little storey to sooth her. like the tooth fairy will dig through your poop. it's her job.
mavericksy 0
Get her to shit into a sieve, and drain it under running water. You don't even have to touch the shit!
TAHDOGG 0
If she's bold enough to make that comment in front of her child, then she should be diggin, not you. YDI Although, by doing that, u definitely won ur daughter's love for quite awhile
Melodyfire 0
When I swallowed a tooth when I was a kid, my mom would just tell me to write letter to the tooth fairy. It worked fine for me! FYL for being conned by your wife.
SheysRebellion 0
If that's not love, I don't know what it. lol Its not a matter of him letting is child "walk all over him". Little kids take these kinds of matters to the heart. And having experience with this sort of situation, I imagine the request was less of a "Daddy, do as I say right now" tantrum, and more of a "Daddy, please be my knight in shining armor and save my tooth" plea for help.
Bob31_fml 4
i would just make something up like, the tooth fairy always knows, just like Santa. It's pretty stupid to go rooting through her crap.
SallySweet 0
Wow. I swallowed the first tooth I ever lost. My parents just convinced me to write a letter to the tooth fairy explaining what happened, I never demanded anything like that from my parents. Kids these days...
tsnyder700 0
So you dig through your daughter's poo? Well, **** that, IDC how much it means to the child, I'd tell her to do it herself, I'm not digging through her poo for her tooth. I'd just go get a fake one and say here, put it under ya pillow.