Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML
Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML
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Top comments
TheGreatAlexande 12
They grow up so fast. :']
jtthegr8 26
Not too long now before you catch him yanking his doodle. Hopefully he doesn't sing about that one.
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Comments (84)
EbyKat 16
It took him three year? Slow learner. My sisters son has been reaching for his to squeeze them in a death grip anytime they changed his diaper since he was eight months old. Then he would cry because he hurt himself. There is no dignity in rearing children. Only poop vomit and genitals.
tochiotome 14
This story made my day. Thank you.
mikbrooke 25
i think its a bit harsh to call him a slow learner.. kids progress differently and at different times.
MiataHarley07 6
Winkie? Really? Teach your son proper terminology. It's called a penis, and you can tell him that testicles are called testicles. Hearing cutsey names for kids' genitals make my skin crawl.
pl0xs3rver 45
If he was 30, yeah, the terminology would probably make anybody's skin crawl, but he's 3...
MiataHarley07 6
Now that I see that is referencing a song, I still stand.by what I said; dont teach your kid cutsey names for their genitals.
Huddisher 10
If he figured out that his balls made his winkie happy, good luck with stiff laundry.
FucYoCouch 13
He's three, not fourteen.
Luluthus 41
I would say the fascination with his "balls and happy winkie" is a faze, except it's not.
ahh_rats 15
Lol I remember those days :)
CrazyMelvin 14
Kids say the darndest things
TheCrispyCat 20
That's hilarious!
threer 30
Yay! I say winkie, too. Then again, he's 3..
ThePez828 18
I love this fml haha. Sorry OP! I really wanted a boy but had a girl. Things like this make me a little more glad for my baby girl! I dread the teens though!