Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter thought it was funny that the chicken on her plate and chickens on farms are called the same name. I had my mouth full so I couldn’t stop my rotten eldest son from saying, “That’s because chicken is dead chickens.” Cue her crying while my son cackled like a sociopath. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 4 year-old son learned that burgers and chicken tenders are made from cows and chickens. I braced myself for the tantrum, only to hear, "They're yummy. Can we turn the cat into a burger? What do squirrels and dogs turn into?" Now I'm scared of my kid. FML
Today, yet again, whenever I try to put on music in the car, my son starts chanting, "Poop! Poop! Poop!" to the tune of whatever I put on. It's been almost six months and it's driving me fucking crazy. FML
Today, I finally figured out what two kids in my neighborhood have been yelling for what seems like the past month. I don't know where they are exactly, so my efforts to get them to knock it off has almost made me go insane, all from hearing them yell "CHICKEN JOCKEY!" over and over again. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
At least it’s better than “shit.”
RichardPencil 32
Take him to Kalamazoo. He will soon think it's not so ******' funny!
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Comments (4)
poopface82 25
At least it’s better than “shit.”
RichardPencil 32
Take him to Kalamazoo. He will soon think it's not so ******' funny!
cuz803 46
Gotta love being a parent, right?!?!?! 🤢🤢
Bogrbon 27
I’m in my 30’s. I mean, timing is the key to comedy, and a 4-yr old needs to learn that, but random words can definitely be funny. Or am I just really immature? Fucitol. Shitake Mushrooms. Bumfuzzle. Cattywumpus.