Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, after spending over two hours cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom, my 5-year-old then runs in, yells, “Snowstorm!” and throws a bag of flour all over the floor. FML
Today, I screwed up in my job, my husband lost his luggage in an airport, then my daughter broke the toilet flush, and my friend's kid poured porridge onto the carpet. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML
Today, my child thinks it's hilarious to continuously pour his entire Lego collection all over the floor. When I tidy it away, he does it all over again. FML
Today, I broke my mug, windshield wiper, shower curtain, and foot, all in six hours. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML
Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML
Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
garf3265 12
have kids they said, it will be fun they said
cutycat136 28
When I read the part about covering the house with Cheerios, all I could picture was your kid going around the house literally placing the Cheerios one by one all around the house so they'd cover every spot he could get.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (122)
ZombieLoveEmo 10
Sounds like my house ?
ThuNDeY 23
Is her profile name "Mom Life" or "Mom My Life"?
ziggysmommy201 10
Neither. It's mommy life.
Badkarma4u 17
Give that kid a high five. Way to over achieve, lil dude!
WipeHour 11
Don't worry, as he gains more experience, he'll be able to do all that and more in 4 minutes flat
devi_916 39
I live with 6 little tornadoes, from 10 months to 10 years. You have my sympathy. Discipline now, laugh about this incident later. :)
Kurby14 21
I swear, all little kids have super speed!
lulinator 40
Which is only activated when their parents aren't looking. Otherwise, they move at the speed of a 90 year old.
xxDragonHeart_fml 10
Your kid is definitely possessed n'y a demon. Get him exorcised before its too late.
meegal 12
Why I never want kids explained in one post. They're needy, loud, annoying, and a HUGE financial burden. But best of luck to those who do want kids. I'm not trying to tell anyone not to have kids, i'm just saying I don't want them and please keep your annoying little demons away from me.
Merylwen 24
Have you never been a kid?
meegal 12
I obviously was. And i'm 100% sure I was annoying and needy as well.
Astrum14 24
Me when I was a kid is reasons one through ten why I never want kids. After that you get stuff like "More money for me" "More time for me" and so on. Basically, there's no good reason for me to have kids.
heryseshta 9
Same here! Childfree and proud of it!
CuteKoalaGirl 18
I've blessedly never had a kid flush anything down the toilet that wasn't meant to go down the toilet. I have five kids even, so I'm happy for that! The worst one of mine has done in the bathroom as a little one (he wasn't yet a year when it happened) was he unrolled almost an entire roll of toilet paper. I couldn't even be mad though, as his huge smile and giggle fest over it was just too cute!
Slasher2977 19
A three year old with glasses? Isnt that a bit young to have eye problems?
lulinator 40
That's like saying there's an age restriction on having cancer.
Gabilliam 19
No...eyesight problems are generally genetic...