Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, after spending over two hours cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom, my 5-year-old then runs in, yells, “Snowstorm!” and throws a bag of flour all over the floor. FML
Today, I screwed up in my job, my husband lost his luggage in an airport, then my daughter broke the toilet flush, and my friend's kid poured porridge onto the carpet. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML
Today, my child thinks it's hilarious to continuously pour his entire Lego collection all over the floor. When I tidy it away, he does it all over again. FML
Today, I broke my mug, windshield wiper, shower curtain, and foot, all in six hours. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML
Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML
Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML
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Top comments
garf3265 12
have kids they said, it will be fun they said
cutycat136 28
When I read the part about covering the house with Cheerios, all I could picture was your kid going around the house literally placing the Cheerios one by one all around the house so they'd cover every spot he could get.
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Comments (122)
Snaxia 12
This is why I don't want children
yerrkiddingme 2
your 3 year old has glasses?? ha what a nerd.
zombiekilla85 3
wow never have i seen such an asshole for calling a 3 year old a nerd. what a twat you are
vampire1618 5
Is his name Keegan? I take care of a kid of that name and age who would totally do that stuff...he makes a mess of the classroom at his daycare and his last pair of glasses broke...
Jessica_0015 9
The key part of this comment is the if I was a parent part as a mother myself I can attest to the fact that you can read and watch as many good parenting tips as you want but nothing prepares you for the actual raising of your kids so for you dear I suggest getting off your high horse a three year old who yes is old enough to know better yet still throws Cheerios around the house and shoves things down the toilet is not in need of therapy they're in need of sternness and yes probably a spanking not a beating but a firm pop on the butt there's a huge difference and a child who grows up with a mother who has a firm hand and I loving heart will grow up much more respectful than one who's parents put them in therapy rather than stepping up to discipline them they're children acting up its not a mental problem it's a natural part of growing up and them testing their boundaries
sprints54 19
And that's why I don't have kids
salajram 4
He is one talented little fellow
imkool136 22
Hey OP, if it makes you feel better, when I was a kid, I took a bowl of cooked rice and threw in the living room, while my mom was cleaning that I decided to get the hose and flood the living room as well. Then my sister let the dog out on accident and so my mom had my other sister, the older one, Put her shoes on and go get her. She ran and grabbed her socks and shoes and to the restroom. She comes out with shoes and toilet paper. My mom ran in and the bathroom was flooding... My mom was put on antidepressants after that:) and all of that was because of teamwork.
Gillett 23
You kind of had it coming, feeding that poor baby nasty ass Cheerios You should be ashamed of yourself!
Flyndaran 10
Wrong. Violence of any sort is wrong and at best is cowardly intimidation not parenting. The few times my parents tried spanking me when I didn't believe I deserved it merely meant later that day something in the house got destroyed. They continued, then I continued. A high pain threshold and stubborness meant I was willing to suffer real injury that they weren't willing to give. They switched tactics to explaining rather than trying to break me, and I grew up to be a kind non-violent man.
Flyndaran 10
My toddler nickname was Pooper, because of my preference for finger painting materials. I was so clumsy and forgetful with a high pain threshold that I was regularly covered in so many scrapes and bruises relatives started to wonder if I was being abused.