Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, my 33-year-old brother told my 10-year-old daughter that clouds are made by factories blowing smoke. My daughter laughed at him and he got upset. He still believed my dad's lie from 25 years ago. FML
Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML
Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML
Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML
Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Zoranius 6
Well, the dementors are going to take your brother to Azkaban now because he told you.. And i'll gladly come with him!
SandiRainbowFish 20
Of Hogwarts is real... You didn't get your acceptance letter? Poor Muggle :,(
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (249)
Zoranius 6
Well, the dementors are going to take your brother to Azkaban now because he told you.. And i'll gladly come with him!
lamort_fml 4
You...you mean it isn't real?
n3rdzgotskillz 29
Surely the dementors would have locked up JK Rowling first for revealing the wizarding world's secrets?
Zoranius 6
They could of have let her do it just for trying to see how dumb we people are and even if that world is true, i know that i'm not a wizard since i didn't get my letter when i became 11. :(
AbbyAbyss 5
Oh, you wouldn't want to go to Azkaban. It's a sad place. I knew a guy who got the Dementor's Kiss.
obeliks 4
I did!!;)
AbbyAbyss 5
Of course, I got my acceptance letter the moment I turned eleven.
boxbrandon11 20
How is this an FML it is your brother and parents being dumb.
skitzofreniks 5
OP was getting trolled.
RedPillSucks 33
I got a french kiss from a dementor. I could feel the tongue coming out my ass.
stinewd 9
Of course it's real, I study there! My profile pic is of me and a fellow student named Ron Weasley, great guy:-)
Armanderchay 4
Hogwarts is a dump, next year I'm going to transfer to Pigfarts.
mkelly158 2
UoPjpjjpkpoppppipoppkuyijpklohp
BrokenDreamer24 15
Hogwarts and everything J.K.Rowling wrote about it is fantasy, but the castle they shot the movies in is a real place somewhere in Scotland I believe.
Zoranius 6
104 - Thank you for trying to be nice, but i hope you're joking :l
P374RD3D 9
#104 way to be a killjoy
maosquare 18
No! Hogwarts is false? I might as well have no soul now.
ucoolgirl31 20
17 - it got lost in the mail.
ucoolgirl31 20
143 - dye your hair Ginger.
sarah1029_fml 7
60 How are you going to get there?? Pigfarts is on Mars!!!
HyperRofl 0
149 - you've got to run face first into the bear roaming around in the London zoo. Once your face connects with its torso at high speed you will be instantly teleported to pigfarts on mars - where all your magical dreams will come true.
Armanderchay 4
149- I NEED a rocketship. I bet Moonshoes Potter has one..
CrystalWest 4
Ik I'm just as crushed Brah...
rinse087 0
Next they'll be telling us Santa isn't real.
jellycorn 13
Dear those who did not recieve their Hogwarts acceptance letter, We are regretful to announce that the reason for this does involve the great Hogwarts battle. As you-know-who has changed the acceptance of muggleborn students, young witches and wizards everywhere have not received their letter. If you are one of these, please contact professor Longbottom via owl. If you are of pure blood status and have not received a letter, I regret to inform you that you are a squib. Regards, Professor Mcgonagall, Deputy head Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry
johnboyu 0
17. You probably did.. Your parents might have a stash in the attic. You just weren't important enough for Hagrid to come get you.
aka_candy6 3
Draco Malfoy: My father will hear about this.
crlyab1997 4
AVPM
jizzwold 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is every person in your family autistic?
SkoomaKi 28
Thank you for the idiotic comment. Oh, and congratulations on offending a lot of people.
jizzwold 21
I forgot that using the mentally disabled in jokes is looked down upon now. I apologi… Actually **** you all :D
MrFuzzles 5
**** you too asshole.
AbbyAbyss 5
You must be really nice in real life. Another reason why we need a sarcasm font.
eggmarie 25
You must get all the ladies, huh?
shannonreneee 11
26, I wonder if you would have the same attitude if you had a child with a mental illness or a loved one with a relative who was sick. Pretty heartless, despite it being a joke.
syley 5
29) Your pic goes so perfectly with that comment!
retyi43 14
2 - i understand your comment was meant to be funny. what's actually funny is that many people with autism think on a higher level than you, and probably all of them have a better heart
IW_RIOT 7
Why is everyone getting offended? Like get the **** over it. I have mentally disabled people in my family, but I don't care because I know it's a joke. People need to stop being so weak minded.
Limbsy 6
Are you saying that you don't care of their mental illness because "you know it's a joke"? just twisting your words, asshole.
IW_RIOT 7
Yea I reread that over and was like shit. I meant like I know they have the illness and all and that sucks. What I don't care about is the jokes people make about it in general. Like if you were making fun of that specific person then that's different. I don't care because I know that it's nothing personal and it's a generalization.
retyi43 14
I actually wasn't offended, despite having a brother with down's syndrome. I just don't make the connection between autism and stupidity, just like when people say "that's gay," I don't understand how that can mean something bad or unfortunate.
GingerPanda94 6
Jackass! How DARE you compare OP's parents with people diagnosed with autism, you clearly have no idea what the condition is and therefore should NOT make any reference towards it.
xcarxcrashx 9
75 don't you realize generalizing people with autism as being stupid is a bad thing?! It's not a joke and it's not funny. Like someone else said they are a hell of a lot smarter than most of us, especially you!
ThatEmoVeganChic 0
I usually take jokes well but this was just ignorant. Many autistics are much smarter than the average person.
DontStopDreaming 2
Is every person in your family a jackass? Substituting the word "autistic" for "stupid" is not and never will be okay. It just makes you an ass, so stfu bro.
SmoshFan6 0
And I'm saying believe in magic, you Muggle!
onlychildFTW 34
I thought hogwarts was real. :'(
anonymissx 5
Ofcourse Hogwarts is real! :)
tygerarmy 35
It's real, I meet my friend Mr. Snuffleupagus there for green eggs and ham, which we get at nice little coffee shop on Sesame Street in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.
Kefka91 15
47 - Don't be stupid. Eggs aren't real...
subgub2222 16
Hells ya it is!!
Dirty_Minded_FML 2
You were being punkd!
Krysk_fml 0
I made a stupid comment and in order prevent all of you from being exposed to my stupidity, I changed the comment to this.
Eiregal2 10
i read this as "you were being puked" not only did it give me a very messed up mental image but also made me realize how much i do need my glasses lol
SandiRainbowFish 20
Of Hogwarts is real... You didn't get your acceptance letter? Poor Muggle :,(
SandiRainbowFish 20
Of course* Sorry about that missing word
Hiimhaileypotter 53
You're not supposed to tell the Muggles it's real you dumbass! -points wand at Muggles *Obliviate!*
citymayer 7
I remember praying that I'd get my acceptance letter on my 11th birthday... I stopped believing in Santa when I was 6. Sense. I have none.
the_anti_hipster 7
You...you mean SANTA'S not real either?! My world is ending! Now, if you'll excuse me, my unicorn is hungry.
l23VIVE 17
Next you're going to say the Great Pumpkin and the Easter Bunny aren't real!?
pokefan813 16
Or pokemon? *lip quivers*
jellycorn 13
I'm sure the dark lord will be pleased to hear that.
L_Lovegood 19
I always wait for the Great Pumpkin every Halloween :D But he hasn't blessed me with his presence yet. Maybe my pumpkin patch isn't sincere enough.
CooganLee 0
Surely they are not being serious. Calm down.
shadyxlane 4
They are serious, and don't call him Shirley. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
bigtaytay 13
R-E-T, A-R-D, it's the RETARD family! it's the RETARD family! *clap clap*
eggmarie 25
I really wish I could be as cool as you, coming up with such beautiful and meaningful songs like that. Just kidding, you're actually a moron.
BubbleGrunge 18
Sure Big TayTay, cause your wrestling infatuation is makes you oh so intelligent.
Leadamp 7
Says the guy that watches WWE. You must be so insightful.
padlarf 14
Interesting argument though, I know the same has been said about the Bible. Without setting of a religious debate, I would like to say that the Harry Potter universe isn't really that more intricate than any other work of fiction I am aware of. So, your brother and your family are probably idiots.
RedPillSucks 33
The Tolkin trilogy, Sherlock Holmes, Edgar Allen Poe, etc. (Hopefully, religious war averted?)
GothicAngel17 24
*Tolkein and that's not even what his works are called >:|
GothicAngel17 24
I can't believe I managed to spell Tolkien wrong while correcting someone and I didn't notice. Well ****, I come across as rather retarded now, don't I?
HerrBawl 4
S'OK, I'd still do you.
RedPillSucks 33
I wasn't trying to site the title, but the author. (Yes, I know Sherlock Holmes was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle). The point was you knew what I was referring to.
maosquare 18
99 - You did manage to spell Tolkien as Tolkin though.
padlarf 14
Seriously, what I said is that offensive? I was merely pointing out the history of the argument used by the brother.
Rainy_Dayz2012 0
I know someone else who's an idiot.
RBntM 10
What a smart family you've got
bunniex1 11
Did they think that quidditch was real too??
ManInTheMachine 20
If you're havin' quidditch problems I feel bad for you son; I got 99 problems but a snitch 'aint one. Sorry, I saw this somewhere and I just had to.
ArielTheMermaid 17
13 brohoof for your pic :D
wanderingshopper 13
Unfortunately, a lot of the colleges have adopted "quidditch teams" and they run around chasing a guy dressed in gold with brronsticks between their legs! I would not have believed it if they hadn't shown it on the news!!!
SliceOfCake 9
Harvard quidditch swag.
l23VIVE 17
I'm on the Nor Hills Senior High-school Quidditch team