Anonymous
United States
Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
grapes
Westfield, United States
Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML
StockedWithJuice
Austin, United States
Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML
parentfail
United Kingdom
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
Anonymous
Start 'em young
Today, my 3 year-old toddler wanted to try my wine. I kept telling her it’s adult juice and she wouldn’t like it. When she kept bugging me about it I gave in, and gave her a tiny sip. She liked it, and continued to bug me about it even more. FML
Anonymous
She's not wrong
Today, I reprimanded my daughter for eating too many chips, since it's not good for you. She responded with, "Know what else isn't good for you? Two cigarettes a day." I couldn't even come up with a retort. I can't believe I just got burned by a ten-year-old. FML
muskogee
Prince Charming
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
eenkoekje
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
madeleine
Gummy
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Anonymous
Akron, United States
Are you winning?
Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML
jj.
United States
Best teeth in the game
Today, as always, my mom loudly asked me if I'd brushed my teeth, then replied to my yes with, “I don’t believe you.” All because I forgot to brush my teeth once when I was 5. I’m 17 now. FML
Top comments
hannahtaskey 9
Kids learn from their parents you know...
pwincessa23 1
you should have told him to swallow it! if he chocked than you can tell him "and that is why you don't swallow grapes"
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Comments (307)
Countrygirl5 8
lol...
poweredbyparamor 0
my dad owns his own business, has a two story house, owns three vehicles, has 3 kids and a happy marriage of 23 years. he doesnt chew his macaroni and cheese, he just swallows it. **** you you insensitive herpes sore
pwincessa23 1
and your point is...
LinTurk 4
Thanks for sharing. That's wonderful for your dad and all, but it's a little different. Mac and Cheese is soft, Where as Grapes would be a big choking hazard.
luststarrr 22
Cool story bro.
JacqJacqAttack 0
holy shit!! wtf is yhur problem!! yhur dad has nothing to do with this bitch! so just go back to licking some chicks clit yhu ****! and yhu just got cussed out by a 12 year old who is undoubtly more clever and smarter than yhu, for realizing tht macaroni and grapes are different, and a 17 year old and a probably 60 year old are much different bitch
onthetoilet 3
I guess the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree
howslife123 0
the grapes don't fall far from the .. bush
NaomiMadison 4
Let him figure it out on his own, just be there to save him if he starts choking!
pdp_fml 21
Agreed! I think that my parents used to tell me to chew my food.
x3ShanTastic 0
Wow, you're an ass if you could call your own child that.
Jdgaf 3
Today, I looked on FML.com and saw that my mom called me a dumbass. FML
Enigmax2514 7
well u know wad they always say, u are how ur parents teach... besides, it takes one to know one... wad were you doing while ur kid was a child and in need of attention? smoking pot and taking drugs? YDI
number0 8
OP, you scream "I deserve it!" If you call your child a "dumbass" and claim that he/she was raised by you, what does that say about you?
GrAvErAvEr64 0
ur sure they didnt mean it sexually?
Sophiesaurus115 1
But what if he's never had grapes before? Honestly guys, how is he supposed to know what to do with grapes? You can't expect someone to be born, already with the knowledge of how to consume certain foods. >.