Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML
Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, I tripped on an actual banana peel and fell over in front of my crush. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to being a meme. FML
Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rockne93 17
Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?
WFFLPWND 10
You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (170)
SebbyFangirl1124 5
You're afraid of bananas?
Chiikan 3
(Banana in Pajamas) B2: Are you what I'm thinking, B1? B1: I think I am, B2. B1 & B2: IT'S WALKING TIME!!!
connordennen 4
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, BANANA PHONE!!
GodSight 2
My question he is that, when they stabbed you - did they stab you with a banana?
effbombbunny 3
banana phobia? what the hell? you are so weird lol. cosidering you are primate that is weird as hell. #darwinism #evolution
azyjazy713 11
Sounds like you need a peanut butter gun
BratOfInsanity 7
its okay! my biggest fear is hermit crabs! you're not alone! :)
sanecatlady 13
Whatever you do, don't go on Maury to get help for your phobia, if that awful show is even still on the air. What they do is actually show huge close-up videos and then bring out the very thing that the guest is terrified of and the audience laughs hysterically while the phobic runs screaming off the stage. I don't get why they would even come on the show to begin with if they knew what was in store for them... must be fake.
sanecatlady 13
Maybe she watched a lot of classic cartoons and slapstick comedy as a kid and is now subconsciously afraid she'll slip and fall on them. :)
funturtle23 6
Bananas are delicious! Just had two.