Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML
Today, and for the past week, my apartment has had a terrible smell, and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. After tearing the place apart, I discovered the culprit: an old banana peel in my purse. I’d been carrying it around with me everywhere, including to work, and on a date. FML
Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
Today, I got myself locked out of my apartment whilst taking the trash out. I was wearing pyjamas, holding a banana, and I'd left my phone inside. My neighbours learned a lot about me, seeing as no one recognised me and I had to explain that I actually live in the building. FML
Today, I finally cleaned my apartment and felt accomplished. I took the trash out, walked back in, and promptly locked myself out in slippers, holding nothing but a banana. I sat on the stairs waiting for help, questioning every life choice. FML
Today, I dropped my phone in the bathtub and had to spend the whole night trying to make the speakers work again. On top of that, while I was cleaning the bedding I discovered that my bed had grown a black mold farm and I have been sleeping on it for God knows how long. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML
Today, I ordered 3 bananas on Instacart, but actually received 3 overripe bunches of bananas. I don’t know what to do with 18 bananas before they all rot by tomorrow night. FML
Today, I got home after a long day and collapsed onto my bed… forgetting I'd left my laptop open on it. Now I have an expensive, broken pillow. FML
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Top comments
namine120409 42
Are you implying you just sat on your bed and proceeded to eat the majority of a whole bushel of bananas?
iswearimhuman 12
How does one not notice an entire shrivelled banana lurking between their sheets? Do you curl up in fetal position in one place for the entire night?? I'm genuinely curious yet slightly impressed.
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Comments (13)
AlissaMichaela 8
Maybe you should make your bed once in a while. And wash your sheets.
RichardPencil 32
Ick, you don't sound very a-peel-ing!
namine120409 42
Are you implying you just sat on your bed and proceeded to eat the majority of a whole bushel of bananas?
hutchinsons2 8
You keep bananas in your bed? Are they used for something other than eating...?
MrEldritch 14
OP's usage of "finished" does sort of leave that open for interpretation. Not sure if I really want to know though, lol.
iswearimhuman 12
How does one not notice an entire shrivelled banana lurking between their sheets? Do you curl up in fetal position in one place for the entire night?? I'm genuinely curious yet slightly impressed.
taywuhsaurusrex 19
I'd like to know how you didn't smell that. Overripe bananas have a pretty strong banana smell.
pjsr 33
Is that a black and shriveled banana under the blanket? Or are you just not excited to see me?
Fireant_man 6
More like you been ******* your self up the ass with them
Branessa9611 14
Freelee? Is that you?
LegendaryMant 4
Who the hell buys things by the bushel anymore?