Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML
Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML
Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'll bet he was disappointed when you started gagging because you couldn't handle it.
umerin 32
Old people rule.
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Comments (76)
umerin 32
Old people rule.
EvilTurtle 35
Let's hope he was pranking you and is on the show, Off their rockers.
zsaddayz 16
This old person was pretty gross and rude.
James_is_Mexican 25
Le Herbert from family guy
adacurtis 9
old people just tend to speak their mind. sometimes you end up with cool story's or good advice, and sometimes you end up with sexual comments about fruit.
mikaellikestacos 14
What if he was actually saying he wants to be eaten o.o
xSLEEPYxHEADx 22
#53, exactly my first thought. Eww >.
jmdnba097 12
What if he is saying wants to literally be the banana, whose existence will be ending, because his is 100% done with life
HeyItsCamilo 17
old people just dont give a **** anymore.
Welshite 40
I'll bet he was disappointed when you started gagging because you couldn't handle it.
foxwasalamb 24
i dont know, some people fantasize about their partner gagging on their dick. whatever floats your boat.
RedPillSucks 33
Don't know why the down vote. I thought it was pretty funny
Nymeria_fml 25
Maybe because if he were disappointed he wouldn't wish he was that banana?
Wiz_Of_Oz 17
Yep, that must be it.
drivingmissdaisy 13
@7 this is true
thexguyxnextdoor 10
You'll always have a story to tell now...?
sayyestothedress 24
Oh yeah, people would so like to hear OP say: "yeah, there was a time when I was in the park and I was eating a banana when an old dude came and told me that he wished he was the banana!" That's a funny story to tell!
orbit 22
Scary story*
Kevlar_burrito 6
That's the entire point of FML. #38...do you think things through before you type the? or do you just mash your keypad and hope for the best?
cyanidesandwich 21
Shoulda stared him in the eyes and bit the banana in half...
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
And crushed what was left in your hand.
isabelf 17
I think he was a little too busy choking to do that...
SarahSehhati 40
Yes! The best way get revenge on the old folks is to go along with their game! but doing better!
Pstraka6 20
What does one even say to that? Forget that even happened
kyu_Q 19
Hmmm a real life mr. herbert
sorryheadphones 26
Don't you just love old people? They can get away with saying anything lol
LittleBells 17
Actually the same thing happened to me but with my brother. I was eating a Popsicle at a beach party. And my drunk brother came up to me and said "I wish my dick was that Popsicle, because you're looking fine girl" and winked at me. He never realized it was me
Nymeria_fml 25
Ha. That's funny and sad at the same time. Did you ever manage to see him in the eye again?
doctorhook86 25
#12: That's gotta do some weird shit to your sibling relationship, yeah?
Gittoh 21
plottwist! he knew it was you!
ImAFaker 29
Wincest ftw!!!
Tsuky_fml 4
Cersei, is that you ?
cole_tyler42 21
Remind me to do that when I get old.
vikky538 29
and I guess you will never eat a banana again....
lisslyi 19
Not in public, at least.
Brandi_Faith 34
People at work will find him hiding in the bathroom stalls eating his lunch.