Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML
Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML
Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML
Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML
Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML
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Top comments
dawood_k 27
Shame on you, you should always lift the eyepatch and make sure before doubting someone
CharresBarkrey 16
To get free donuts... We've been over this
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Comments (70)
jasdanu 12
Well at least you know it's legit
SweetasCandy0609 28
Really what was your first hint?
Gingerette 8
DISCRIMINATION!!!
Zambowi 15
OR maybe it wasn't real... And he was trying to make you feel bad after your comment
SweetasCandy0609 28
Why would someone lie about having to where an eye patch?
CharresBarkrey 16
To get free donuts... We've been over this
JocelynKaulitz 28
Or maybe it was real…cause they have a purpose too.
Zimmington 21
I'm just happy to hear Krispy Kreme still exists because they've all closed around here
dawood_k 27
Shame on you, you should always lift the eyepatch and make sure before doubting someone
tiernang 21
and just to be sure its not make up, poke it a couple times.
MrSassypants 34
Also, you have to call "black jack no sue back" before him or he can sue you. Sorry, OP, but it's the law, and a second grader taught it to me so you know it's the truth.
Caitie_kid 8
I hope he got the free dozen doughnuts. If anyone deserves them he does, he's more of a real life pirate than anyone in a costume.
Bcfrmkc816 17
Me Sassypants. Had to laugh when I read this. Another thing wrong with America people judge without knowing.
Guy11 17
It's not like you knew it was real, just forget about it and move on.
maryaalhindi 9
Hahaha that's alright just laugh and make a joke about it!
thefella 10
I have a feeling if you made another joke about the eye patch things would not end well.
crushedone 7
Captain Ahab is not pleased.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
double that man free donuts
kumarina 35
Honest mistake OP!
TiroC 25
Hopefully he can see the fun in that! ;)
lbrown66 12
Well aren't you an arrrrrsehole then!
jerryj 27
Eye see what you did there.