Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML
Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I finished a very difficult order and brought it to a client's house. He greeted me at the door in his underwear, and thanked me by kissing me. Now his whole neighbourhood probably thinks we're gay, even though I'm straight. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
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Top comments
sturschaedel 27
If you really were a prostitute it wouldn't be the young, buff and attractive guys seeking your service.
underthesea12 24
Well now you know how to increase your income.
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Comments (67)
joe3_fml 15
Play along and try hitting on the men.
incoherentrmblr 22
So, you're Puff Daddy aka a gay pimp?...
shadowedpixie 19
Well at least now you know why the neighbors don't talk to you. Maybe you can try to make it clear that you're NOT a prostitute now that you're aware of how it looks?
lex1459 38
OP can tell them anything he wants, but they probably won't fully believe him, so he may as well have fun with it. My brothers are cops, and them and their officer friends always come over when they're working on holidays to see the rest of the family. At one point last year, we had 4 squad cars in front of our house. I was recently pulled aside while babysitting to ask if I was okay, because apparently the neighbourhood now thinks we're involved in a high end drug ring. I cleared it up pretty quickly, but we still get avoided like the plague.
RobinGoodfellow 47
They're clearly jelly.
Jarl_the_Elite 27
No, there human people. Not Jelly.
billyboef 10
#22 they're
Kazze 31
I like human people, as opposed to those non-human people...
twitchtail 21
Okay idk why you got thumbed down. You actually made me laugh
SnakeEye_454 10
Man they are obviously just jealous! Oh #3 you beat me to it.
RobinGoodfellow 47
Hell yeah. I can sniff out jealousy from miles and miles away, did you think you could comment on it before me? My powers are extraordinary. Viva la me.
Roku_Crow 12
I smell jealousy maybe?
delude 26
I smell jealousy definitely?
False_Stupidity 42
I don't know.. do you?
JMichael 26
You could easily have fun with that OP.
underthesea12 24
Well now you know how to increase your income.
princessbloky 12
Seems like the most obvious conclusion.
sturschaedel 27
If you really were a prostitute it wouldn't be the young, buff and attractive guys seeking your service.
MSCCG 16
Yeah, you would be the one who was hiring the prostitutes. Logic.
iwanttogotoparis 26
People are so judgemental at first glance
OhWhoCares 42
Right?! I would've assumed OP had a large family, many friends, or depending on the size of OP's house, a private gym or something.... I sure wouldn't think that a prostitute would want their customers knowing where they live, so that conclusion wouldn't even cross my mind.