Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML
Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML
Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML
Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
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Top comments
RecklessJellyBea 7
Add more paint. Make it say "Scop Killam." Much less threatening.
Tuesdaythe10th 11
what a penis
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Comments (172)
smellysmurf 0
first
rebel128 5
first
Hockeyboy4280 18
Spray paint over it? Idk about this one. FYL
futtbuck101 1
Well you might as well roll down your windows and jam some NWA
HyundaiOwner7 0
Or just put duct tape over it for the time being... that shit fixes anything
JacksonCampbell 9
Well... OBVIOUSLY... we have a rapist here in Lincoln Park City.
bitterfaceplant 0
sounds like you have a crazy ex
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Worth a try I guess.
Feklfekl2222 32
What is it memorial weekend for???????????
aeshleyrose 6
Futtbuck, I'm inclined to ask your advice on many more things following your post. Pure genius, my friend.
SunDropGirl 0
oh 44 that just made my day!!!(:
bbucaro98 0
hes climbin in your windows
thorscope 0
50- Monday Is memorial day in the us. it's a day to remember solders. making this memorial weekend
thorscope 0
50- Monday Is memorial day in the us. it's a day to remember solders. making this memorial weekend
imacreeper 3
What's us? you mean US?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Bahd grahmer ftw!!! No but seriously, how do you NOT know what Memorial Day is about if you speak english?
pinkspaceboundro 0
united states!!!!
A7X_LoVeee 10
So snatch your kids
asianive 0
lmfao
imacreeper 3
I know what "US or USA" means but 67 wrote it as us an I read it as us.
PurpleRae420 0
Haha 18 yah blast **** THA POLICE lol nah just don't go anywhere or call someone to come pick you up and tell them what happened!
Feklfekl2222 32
thanks in Britain the main memorial day is in November for the world war. there's was no need to thumb me down for asking a honest question
rawrinbear 0
101.. you make even my shit cry youre so stupid. no one cares, stop trying to be a smart ass and go read a dictionary or something.
JohannMedina 0
115, says the guy who can't spell "You're" correctly.
rawrinbear 0
ill spell it correctly this time.. you're a **** tard.
rawrinbear 0
117 oh && says the guy that's too stupid to realize i'm a girl.
bitchslapped22 14
imacreeper- From these comments and previous ones, I have to consider you being my least favorite person on FML.
Jonnieonit 0
A memorial can be for many things, usually people or events and they usually differ around the world according to local history. Read a book.
MerrikBarbarian 9
because it's an American holiday? did you know there is lots of countries that speak English which are not the USA and have different holidays then you? you even share a border with one. :p
fightingkittens 39
50, your stupidity is unbelievably mind-boggling. How could you not know that OP's neighborhood was memorializing the mass suicide of the ambidextrous phbutnjacs? ****.
limepinklis 0
I think I might just go do that...right now.
IgnorantAmerican 0
lmao
SoloAutotunE 17
So you post the confession to the crime on a social app where everyone can see
Tuesdaythe10th 11
what a penis
lifeisaterriblem 6
Agreed. he's screwed.
agaba 0
nervana much? haha go slim shady :D
jayfish7 0
5-It's that little thing attached to the body of the baby in the Nirvana album that is your profile picture
RecklessJellyBea 7
Add more paint. Make it say "Scop Killam." Much less threatening.
calenzelon 6
win
Yinky 6
Lmao. Definitely a lot more threatening sounds like a terrorist name. :P
Link5794 18
I think a better idea would be to call the cops.
smellysmurf 0
and second
fuff_fml 4
oh crap :O that's no good
wisericky 12
You will make lots of new friends with your new paint job!
epyk_pryncess 8
... shut it Ricky. usually you say things that are creative and witty and hilarious... for this comment I hate you. :) jk
randomguy1millon_fml 0
what?
wisericky 12
i love you too Epyk, here is a sandwhich.
epyk_pryncess 8
oooh a sandwich.... thanks! now finish my laundry!!!
m0rgana 0
epyk nice tattoo its really cool lookin :)
FML_Elle 17
I thought your username for a second was wisecrack XD
myxcure 2
Um.. report the vandalism?
eragon2262 6
what are the cops gonna do? laugh? most times something is vandalized no one gets caught so no point in filling out the paperwork
myxcure 2
Except in this case.. If OP was pulled over after having reported the incident, then the likelihood that OP would be "in trouble" would be minimal.
diehard430 0
they wont do anything lol..
shamille 5
Maybe if he reports it he can get insurance to pay for repainting? idk.