Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
x_Cupcakes 0
Black and yellow! (:
DahkLohd 4
You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (210)
apcfan009 0
lmao wow. im sure it brings out the paint job at least?
lolbrick 0
yeah, cause nothing brings out the yellow on your house like a giant, crudely drawn, black ****.
xxst3althshotxx 1
Just cover it up with more black paint, it will look a lot better.
ey3seecold 0
black and yellow black and yellow come on every1 let's sing together black and yellow black and yellow..
hahafylop 4
black and yellow black an yellow black and yellow black and yellow! chorus! black black black, and black and yellow, and black, and yel-l-o-o-ooooooo!
MuZex3 0
Black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow!
killjimmy 0
Black ****, yellow paint, my neighbors scared of me but the gays ain't
DahkLohd 4
You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.
KaitHud 0
^ haha
rallets 23
nothing covers up a black **** very well zing!! also, yea, uh huh, you know what it is, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow!!!
Kefka91 15
If I were them I woulda spray painted "eat pussy" across the side of the building in huge letters. Then you can have a couple of song-bird jesus-freak dealers outside your house making dick and fart jokes and shmokin' some weed.
nae_nae7890 0
did you think it was a joke when they said " once you go black, you never go back"?!?!??
funktown 2
153, one of the funniest comments I've read on here hahahahah
skanksonaplane 0
it's true. they are bigger. mmmm
shea300 5
.
x_Cupcakes 0
Black and yellow! (:
littlegreen 0
lol
MauriceWinifred 0
darn! I was about to make a crack about black and yellow
ipwnlosers 4
22-Put some clothes on..
lolbrick 0
48 - put a paper bag on, or preferably plastic.
weissesengel 0
54-dont b an asshole. how bout we put some clothes on. and the chik under hers prettay so shush yo mush
lolbrick 0
56 - I'm pretty sure 48 is a guy
bballchamp43 0
black and yellow black and yellow black ****, yellow paint
Sazzers 0
It's Gerard Way of MCR
DavLynn 4
Damn.. you beat me to it : /
TaylorTotsYumm 10
#22's picture is pretty funny.
MaskedAspen 6
everyone steals my thunder. oh & yeah 22 , that's nasty .. this is a public website, pretty sure we're not interested in seeing your almost nudes.
linzb752 0
22 is a girl. the picture over the crotch area is a cat. not a weenie-dog
yanayo 0
lol!
jewban 3
leave Maurice alone!! it's their picture leave them be.
kaylaraeh 0
Those who are complaining about 22's picture, get over it and worry about something else for a change and mind your own business instead if getting all up in hers. It's a picture, you can't see any genitals, so I'm pretty sure you all will survive.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Oh my god. Gerard Way is such a pretty girl, ain't he?
sammy92 0
Lmfao!
bloodkarma 2
I was gonna say this!
lolbrick 0
wow... thats just really racist.
mitri_fml 3
you'll have a hard time fixing that
TheOptimist 0
He was proving the point that even though you have a nice freshly painted house, his black dick is scientifically proven to more than likely be bigger than your white dick.
afdude87 6
primer first or pick a new color :)
rockr_chick 5
dang i never get to read these comments before they get moderated...
lolbrick 0
Well this shows, again, the truth of the adage "once you go black, you never go back"
Alexxcunningham 0
you just made my night with this xD
marmlr339 14
lol!!!
glitterypink 0
mine too!!
LeFrogDog 27
in least the house is not white.....
marinus_fml 20
Cockheads these days...
noto_fml 0
well atleast u tried.
lolbrick 0
But he didn't try HARD enough. hehe. he wasn't using his HEAD when he made that joke.
DaTurdTickler 0
double fail
sovetskiy 8
^
Inspired22 11
Two choices: A, get a professional to remove it. B, paint it a different color. That sucks, though! What a royal pain!
lolbrick 0
no, thats not what you meant. you even used the word "people" to clarify how racist you are.